Rights for chimps
A NEW York court has to decide whether chimpanzees are entitled to "legal personhood" and the protections that go with it.
Tommy the chimp is currently being kept in a cage in New York state. That cage has colour TV and a stereo. Tommy's owner, Patrick Laverty, says Tommy seems quite happy and he's on the waiting list to be moved into an animal sanctuary anyway.
But lawyer Steven Wise, representing an animal rights group called the "Nonhuman Rights Project" is campaigning for human rights to be extended to all intelligent animals, including dolphins and elephants. He uses a legal argument usually deployed by prisoners who believe they have been locked up illegally. The current case could set a decisive precedent.
Human rights for chimps with colour TV and stereo – do you get that "only in America" feeling?
Oldie Aussies
AUSTRALIANS are getting hot under the collar about dithering elderly drivers. Here's a letter that appeared in the Sydney Herald Sun.
"It's about time the authorities did something about older drivers on our roads.
"For too long older drivers have caused havoc as they hog the left lane, stick to the speed limits (even the road work limits) and stop at stop signs, causing great inconvenience and often preventing others from doing whatever they like.
"Another major concern is that by avoiding fines and demerit points they are not doing their bit for the revenue of our state, and are therefore placing a further burden on younger drivers.
"Until older drivers can prove that they are proficient at weaving in and out of traffic, driving while texting, tailgating, using drugs or doing burnouts, they must be barred from holding a licence."
This could almost have been written by a Durban taxi driver
Trial sidelight
A SIDELIGHT on the Dewani trial comes from Michael Green, retired editor of our sister newspaper, the Daily News.
"Judge Jeanette Traverso, who is in charge of the Dewani trial, has for 20 years been one of the most respected High Court judges in South Africa. She has established a reputation for independent thought on the bench.
"About half a century ago her father was an outspoken cabinet minister in the then National Party government. Older readers will remember him. His name was Blaar Coetzee and he was a vivid character - likeable, argumentative and an articulate campaigner for the apartheid government. He died in 1974, aged 60.
"Times change, people change. There is nothing in Judge Traverso's record to suggest that she has her father's political views.
"She is of course not the only person to differ from her forebears. Melanie Verwoerd was married to Wilhelm Verwoerd, grandson of the architect of apartheid, Hendrik Verwoerd. She herself had an impeccable, conservative Afrikaner background.
"In 1994 Melanie became an ANC Member of Parliament and was later South Africa's ambassador to Ireland."
Hectic days
I REMEMBER Blaar Coetzee well, from stormy political meetings in Northern Natal. With a broad wink at the press table, he would denounce "die venynige Engelse pers" (the venomous English press), at which the press corps would sit with folded arms and stare back at him while the crowd went beserk, screeching: "Skryf! Skryf!" (Write! Write!). Hectic days.
Hans Strydom, news editor of the Sunday Tribune who went on to become news editor of the Sunday Times, left newspapers to run against Coetzee for the old United Party in the 1970 general election. His slogan: "Blaar is klaar – gee Hans 'n kans!" (Blaar is finished – give Hans a chance!)
Hans didn't make it but he substantially reduced Coetzee's majority. He (Strydom) ended up a DA councillor in Johannesburg.
Bumper sticker
LAST week's mention of the sign on an Amish carriage in Pennsylvania – "Powered by oats and grass, don't step in the exhaust" – reminds Gray Braatvedt of bumper stickers on Mini-Mokes hired in the Seychelles years ago: "Moking is not a wealth hazard".
Tailpiece
GLASWEGIANS Archie and Jimmy are in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.
"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ah've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".
"Soonds grand."
"Ah've even bought a kilt tae be married in."
"A kilt? That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. What's the tartan?"
"Och, Ah'd imagine she'll be in white."
Last word
We are the people our parents warned us about.
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