Nude rugby proposal
IT'S refreshing and uplifting to encounter an individual with a strong sense of civic pride and duty. Such a person is Durban sports promoter and event organiser RA Pearce, who has sent in a detailed proposal.
RA is alarmed that a nudist beach is being planned for an obscure location on the South Coast. This is something Durban should grab for itself, he says, and he urges councillors not to miss this never-to-be-repeated opportunity.
"It surely would be a simple matter to establish a nudist beach at the Durban Country Club. The area could be cordoned off from prying eyes by shade cloth. Helicopters would be forbidden to fly/hover over this area."
He's also done some preliminary planning for a Grand Opening
The opening of the venue would be a Sevens game of beach rugby between two male-only sides (five minutes each half) say Lion Lager Llandudno Loin, from Western Province, and the Branson Vestigial Virgins of KwaZulu-Natal.
"Both sides, of course, would be totally nude. Only tries will count. The winning captain, with only a sponsor's cap on, will receive his prize from a local beauty queen.
"This will be followed by a similar game but played by nude women only - The Mabeline Maidens, say, against the Este Lauder Ladies."
He says the match would kick off at 8.30 pm so that spectators from King's Park are able to drop in for real entertainment, having been bored silly by ordinary rugby.
"Depending on the popularity of the inaugural event, it is possible to broaden the competition - even to the point of staging provincial nude matches for the Starkers Cup. We could even include other countries and hold a World Starkers Cup competition.
"Meantime, I'm off to Clifton and Bondi to see if they have any interest. My consultancy fees are extremely reasonable."
RA Pearce sounds a bit like Jake White. Can Durban afford to turn this down?
Merry dance
A 22-YEAR-OLD man led police a merry dance in Leicester, England. He phoned the fuzz just after 3 am to tell them he was about to steal a 44-ton bulldozer.
Then he set off across the countryside. The police called in a helicopter to assist and more than three hours later they apprehended him and put him in the lock-up.
Strong ale they serve in Leicestershire. But it's a sad heart that knows no rejoicing.
Erratic dance
MEANWHILE, still in Leicestershire, a strange, erratic aircraft vapour trail has appeared in the skies over that county.
It zig-zags back and forth and was photographed by a member of the public, who says it looks as if the pilot must have had a sneezing fit or something.
Air traffic controllers are unable to explain it. Could this have something to do with the mysterious corn circles that keep appearing? Or does that fellow mentioned above pinch aircraft as well as 44-ton bulldozers?
Season closes
THE weekly arts soiree at St Clement's closed its current season this week with mime by gifted deaf artiste Sibo Masondo – aka Le Mot – and readings by playwright and theatre personality Gisele Turner from some of her favourite books.
Sibo is as much a humorist as a contortionist, while some of Giselle's selections were, er, unusual and somewhat macabre. But piquancy is the name of the game at St Clement's. It went down a treat.
Also, we had an impromptu repeat of Jerome Pillai singing Starry Starry Night and Shomona joining him for Summertime. A rousing closure until next January.
Tailpiece
IT'S a nudist colony for intellectuals. Two old fellows are sitting on the porch chatting.
"Have you read Marx?"
"Yes indeed. It's these wicker chairs."
Last word
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
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