Parliament of mayors
THIS sounds most sinister. Hundreds of mayors from Europe and America got together in Amsterdam the other day to build a global network and eventually set up a "Parliament of Mayors" that could shift the international balance of power and create a new force to be reckoned with.
They point out that while public trust in the American Congress currently runs at a paltry 12 percent, trust in American mayors runs at between 60 and 65 percent.
They want to set up their inaugural parliament next year in London.
How long before Ethekwini Council climbs on this bandwagon? Horrors! Still more overseas junkets.
And the likelihood of a spiralling of tensions internationally as the Parliament of Mayors sends around regiments of traffic wardens, bus conductors and meter readers to bully and intimidate national governments and organisations such as Nato.
Worst of all, Ethekwini Council could use this as a ladder to greater things, perhaps end up ultimately ruling the world. Today Virginia Airport. Tomorrow Heathrow, Charles de Gaulle and La Guardia, New York. All of it emergency stuff, normal tendering procedures dispensed with.
The mind, senor, she boggles!
Any complaints?
HERE are some actual complaints to Thomas Cook Vacations by customers in Britain.
· "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
· "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."
· "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
· "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
· "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
· "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
· "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
· "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
· "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
· "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
· "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
· "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
· "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
· "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
· "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
· "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
· "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
· "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
· "My fiance and I requested twin beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
Yes, you always know when it's a planeload of Pom package tourists that has landed. They switch off the engines but the whine continues.
Tailpiece
"ROLL on summer."
"Yeah … the girls in their bikinis."
"The tan lines. It's like nature's highlighted the best bits."
Last word
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
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