High-tech desert patrol
BILL Gates meets Lawrence of Arabia … high technology from the back of a camel.
Google has launched Desert View – equivalent of Street View – with panoramic shots, captured by Street View cameras mounted on a camel, of the desert around Liwa Oasis, in Abu Dhabi.
The shots were digitally stitched together and users can now traverse the sand dunes at the click of a mouse. I can confirm from personal experience that the sand dunes of Abu Dhabi are very sandy.
The local Bedouin have so far not complained about this unwarranted invasion of their privacy.
"It is not known why he went into the headquarters in Winsford, Cheshire - maybe he was there to grass-up a friend or dobbin someone.
"But he was going to tell the hoof, the whole hoof and nothing but the hoof.
"However, he didn't re-mane there furlong in the incident, which was caught on camera.
"The footage shows a man trying to turn the animal around and point him off the premises. But the horse seemed determined to head to the desk.
"Moments later, an officer is seen guiding the pony back out of the automatic doors and it is understood he was returned to his nearby paddock safely.
"A force spokesman said: 'We like to ensure a warm welcome to all our guests at HQ and at neigh point did the horse pose a risk to security.'"
A-a-a-r-r-r-gh! This is so bad you have to marvel!
Chit-chat
COFFEE bar dialogue:
"Hi! I'm 32, I'm a politician and I'm honest."
"Hi! I'm 29, I'm a prostitute and I'm a virgin."
Amazing luck
HERE'S a World War II story I'd never heard before. An American aircrew were taking their B-17 Flying Fortress on a bombing run over Kassel, Germany, when they flew into heavy flak and took a direct hit in a fuel tank.
But instead of the tank exploding as it should have, nothing happened. They made it safely back to base.
Next day the pilot asked the ground crew if he could have the shell as a keepsake of this barely believable good luck. He was told there had been not one but 11 unexploded shells in the tank.
This was truly astounding. Then he was told that the armourers, who had been given the task of defusing the shells, found they contained no explosive at all, not one of them. The shells were absolutely harmless.
But one had in it a tightly rolled up piece of paper with a message scrawled in Czech. Somebody was found to translate.
It read: "This is all we can do for you now ... Using Jewish slave labour is never a good idea."
The incident is recalled in a book, The Fall of Fortresses, by Elmer Bendinger, who was navigator in that B-17 aircrew. What a story.
History
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "I used to be a historian, but there was no future in it."
Tailpiece
A GROUP of fellows, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for a reunion lunch. It was agreed they would make it The Gourmet because the waitresses were well stacked and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed
where they should meet for lunch. It was agreed they would make it The Gourmet because the food and service were good and the beer selection was excellent.
Another 10 years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. They agreed they would make it The Gourmet because there was plenty of parking, they could lunch in peace and quiet and it was good value for money.
Ten years later again, at age 70, they discussed where they
should meet for lunch. It was agreed they would make it The Gourmet because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Yet another 10 years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. It was agreed they would make it The Gourmet because they'd never been there before.
Last word
Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
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