Apocalypse maybe
IS TODAY the day to give the bank manager a kick in the pants? To propose marriage to half a dozen women? To indulge in riotous behaviour in as many watering holes as possible? To splurge on the credit card like there's no tomorrow?
Yes, if you go along with those who believe the ancient Mayan calendar – started on August 11, 3114 BC – predicts with absolute accuracy that the world will end tomorrow. You've got nothing to lose.
No, if you go along with those (including scientists and serious scholars who have immersed themselves in the Mayan writings) who say the whole thing is a lot of balderdash. You might wake up tomorrow with no bank support, barred from every pub in Durban and embroiled in a mess of breach of promise/paternity litigation.
Yet Doomsday cultists are flocking to places like Mount Rtanj, in Serbia, a mystical place where they believe they will be safe from the Apocalypse because it conceals an underground pyramid left behind by alien visitors thousands of years ago. Something similar is happening at the village of Bugarach, in France.
Hmmm. They seem convinced. Thinking about it, one might as well have a go. I've nothing personal against the mayor, but what better than a custard pie in the kisser as an end of the world send-off? Is it not worth a gamble?
Yet the odds do appear to be stacked against the world ending tomorrow. The squelchers say the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012, only because the next cycle never got written. The Mayan civilisation – in present-day Mexico – went into decline and collapsed, its demise hastened by the arrival in the 16th century of the Spanish conquistadores.
The scientists say killer solar flares are not expected tomorrow. Planet Earth is not on a collision course with a supposed planet called Nibiru. Nasa says the earth has lasted four billion years and appears to be in good nick for many more.
American Professor Gabrielle Vail, a leading authority on the Mayan "long count calendar" (5 125 years) says this was just one of three calendars. The Mayans wrote about dates trillions of years into the future beyond December 12, 2012. They also wrote about dates well before the start of the long count calendar.
So it seems the smart money is against the world ending at 11 minutes past 11 tomorrow morning, as the Doomsday cultists predict.
But if there are any gals out there who want to end the world with a bang – say with a mass striptease on the portico of the city hall - who am I to dissuade them?
Can't lose
ROB NICOLAI, Howick's resident astro physicist/quantum mechanic and towering intellect, adds his voice to those of the scoffers. He's toying with the idea of betting every reader of this column R1 000 it doesn't happen.
"What the heck if I am wrong and science fails and we are plunged into a swirling vortex of entropy. I will not miss the R3 million I have to pay to Idler readers."
Quite right, he just can't lose.
Smoke signals
MEANWHILE, in Britain the government department concerned with disaster management has encouraged people to instal smoke detectors and alarm systems against the Mayan apocalypse.
Something suggests the Brits are not being entirely serious about this..
Tailpiece
MICK and Paddy are crawling home along the railway line after a heavy night on the Guinness.
Mick: "Dis is an awfully long staircase."
Paddy: "Bad design too. De handrail's very low."
Last word
The Internet is like alcohol in some sense. It accentuates what you would do anyway. If you want to be a loner, you can be more alone. If you want to connect, it makes it easier to connect.
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