On the beat (1)
AN ESCAPED emu had to be overpowered by police in North Devon, England, after it ran down the streets of the town of Barnstaple, kicking at doors and trying to get in.
The emu – a large, ostrich-like Australian bird – had escaped from a private menagerie and was in a state of panic.
Nothing in his training had prepared him for this, declared PC Stephen Huxtable, who eventually wrestled the giant bird into the back of a police car (where it left mud, feathers and a few other items). "It was bizarre."
Just as well he's not stationed at Oudtshoorn, where ostriches regularly play tok-tokkie through the town. And in Kwambonambi it's the giant ground hornbills that are constantly trying to force their way into the country club.
Maybe we need more exchange programmes between the police services of the countries of the Commonwealth. It could be helpful. A Canadian grizzly can be very similar to an aggressive drunk in Brakpan.
On the beat (2)
VARIETY is the spice of life in the police services. Detectives who went on an investigation to an address in Thurston County (which is in the American state of Washington, just beneath the Canadian border) were not sure quite what to expect as they pushed open a door.
What they found was an exotic dancer/stripper poised beside the brass pole that is part of the equipment of her trade.
Her audience consisted of two hissing alligators. Growing in pots about the floor were 15 marijuana plants.
It's not clear whether the alligators were there to protect the marijuana or the stripper. But strippers, marijuana and alligators were not part of the police mission. They were after a fellow alleged to have fired a shot at a passing car, and get him they did.
"This was a fairly atypical event," said Lieutenant Greg Elwin with great understatement.
The alligators were taken into custody for their own good.
On the beat (3)
IN NEW YORK City this week they had a day without violent crime – the first in living memory. It happened on Monday. There was not a single murder, shooting, stabbing or other incident of violent crime in a 24-hour cycle.
New York is now on target to hit its lowest point in violent crime since 1960. An aggressive tactic of "stop and frisk" by the police department has rooted out dozens of illegal guns.
No, you're not allowed to make comparisons. Comparisons are odious.
Strong stuff
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the over-40s: "I have a couple of scotches in the morning but evenings I go over to the strong stuff."
Outside the box
THE PUBLIC-SPIRITED Zoltan de Rosner, of Pennington, has more ideas to make Moses Mabhida Stadium economically viable.
Why not build dual-purpose suites, that double as low-cost B&B facilities? People could could book in the night before and enjoy a toot or two in the pub before a restaurant dinner – both income generating franchises right there on the premises.They would then repair to their en-suite room for a good night's rest before the game.
"Between games this accommodation could also be available to those flying into town on business or pleasure. It would be a continual income generator.
"They could also rent rooms out by the hour, or even sub-let a whole section to a Madam.
"What about leasing the pitch for grazing? That could save big bucks on extra labour, petrol, mower maintenance and fertiliser."
Zoltan might be getting carried away here and there, but at least he's thinking outside the box.
Tailpiece
| 2 |
THIS fellow on the night train to Johannesburg tells the conductor: "I have to get off at Volksrust. I'm a very heavy sleeper but I must get off there. I want you to put me off, whatever I say when you wake me."
Next morning he wakes up in Johannesburg. In a fury, he finds the conductor and gives him a ticking off. He uses some choice language to describe the conductor and his parentage. Then he stomps off.
A passenger has overheard the tirade: "How can you let somebody speak to you like that?"
Conductor: "That's nothing. You should have heard the bloke I put off at Volksrust."
Last word
The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane.
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