Man of the year
IT'S A TIME of retrospectives. Who made good in 2012, who clunked? It comes as a slight surprise to learn from America that unsuccessful presidential candidate Mitt Romney has been named Man of the Year.
Then, when you look a bit closer, it's "Man of the Year, 1912". The award is by satirist Andy Borowitz, who says: "Even though his quest for the presidency was unsuccessful, Mr. Romney's ideas about foreign policy, taxation, wealth inequality, and women's rights typified the year 1912 as no one else has."
He says Romney beat such other candidates as Tsar Nicholas II of Russia, Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany, and Edward Smith, captain of the Titanic.
"It was very close between Romney and the Titanic guy, but we gave it to Romney because it took him slightly longer to sink."
Mr Romney was not available for comment, Borowitz says, as he was on a world tour, visiting his money.
Things might look shaky about the world, but at least we've got satire.
Gunslinger
IT WAS SLIGHTLY unnerving to observe, the other day, a car guard with a rifle slung across his back. It was almost certainly an imitation, a toy.
But was it to deter the baddies or perhaps an inducement to bigger and better tips? Truly, it's a jungle out there.
Q & A
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: "Alcohol is not the answer. But it does make you forget the question."
Jawohl!
READER Peter Krumm, who supplied the recent poem, Brush Up Your English – a classic of the intricacies and illogicalities of the language – says it recalls for him the agony he had to endure when, at school in Germany, he encountered English for the first time.
He finds the Tailpiece of that same issue on why cricket is not played in Germany – "Becuz vhen zey put on ze helmet zey vant to march" – intriguing but thinks it's probably not the whole story.
"There is no rugby played in Germany either although our neighbours, the French, do play it with remarkable success."
Peter also notes that there is very little crime in Germany. He says it's because it is against the law.
Jawohl! Most Teutonic.
Little humans
MARY Ann Grafetsberger, doughty defender of the rights and interests of suburban monkeys – she describes them as "little humans dressed in fur" – is in fact better known as the Cat Lady.
She tells me she has been involved for about 12 years in caring for colonies of feral cats at the city councillors' car park, Medwood Gardens (two colonies) and the old Addington Children's Hospital.
She feeds more than 40 cats a day and sees to their getting sterilised. She also monitors them daily for illness and injury.
I've heard of a dog and pony show – here we have a cat and monkey show. There must be great possibilities here.
Generation Y
PEOPLE born before 1946 are known as The Greatest Generation. Those born between 1946 and 1964 are the Baby Boomers. Those between 1965 and 1979 are Generation X. And those between 1980 and 2010 are Generation Y.
Y should I get a job? Y should I leave home and find my own place? Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours? Y should I clean my room? Y should I wash and iron my own clothes? Y should I buy any food?
Mangaung
ROB NICOLAI, Howick's resident astrophysicist/quantum mechanic and towering intellelect turns his skills to political analysis.
He says it's absolutely untrue that Kgalema Motlanthe was treated with disrespect at Mangaung. He stayed for breakfast and his taxi ride home was paid the next day.
Whatever is he on about?
More Mangaung
IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, takes a fairly optimistic line on events at Mangaung.
Is it true that half the nation's in tears,
Because Zuma's got another five years?
But now Cyril's in favour,
Giving government some flavour,
Perhaps he can allay some of our fears.
Tailpiece
A WOMAN wins big at the casino. Really big. She phones her husband.
"Honey, pack your bags! I just won over five million bucks at the casino!"
"That's wonderful. What should I pack for ... Europe, the Carribean?"
"I don't care. Just be gone when I get home!"
Last word
Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
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