Now it's moral capitalism
POLITICIANS in Britain are falling over each other in their commitment to "better capitalism", "responsible capitalism" "moral capitalism" etc.
Prime Minister David Cameron and Leader of the Opposition Ed Milliband are vocal about it, thery compete for attention. Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg wants "John Lewis capitalism", the idea based on a chain group where employees are encouraged to take up shares in the company and provide input to management.
Nobody talks of Goldman Sachs capitalism nor - perish the thought! - Karl Marx capitalism. Yet it was Marx who coined the expression "capitalism". It's a kind of swear word for a pooling of financial resources in free enterprise production. He wrote an entire book about it.
So when Milliband speaks of "better capitalism" does he mean a more efficient grinding of the faces of the poor? Surely not.
Maybe Blade Nzimande and the Comrades need to get over to London and offer a few tutorials in the theory of surplus value, dialectical materialism, the dictatorship of the proletariat and scientific socialism generally. We can't have all this loose talk about so vitally important a subject.
Hard times loom
RUSSIAN prime minister – and would-be president – Vladimir Putin is likely to run onto the rocks financially this year, according to Taiwanese soothsayer Chan Wei-Chung.
On the other hand, British actor Rupert Grint is set to make a bomb, while American actress Sandra Bullock is likely to get pregnant. He warns her against "manipulative people" (Yes, just watch what they're manipulating towards).
Chan makes the predictions as the Chinese Year of the Dragon begins. Putin, Grint and Sandra Bullock are all of them born in "Dragon" years (1940, 1952, 1964, 1976 and 1988).
Poor old Vladimir. Yet on the other hand, it could serve his "man of the people" drive – Harley Davidsons, scuba diving, hunting, rock music. Going broke on top of it would really make him one of the boys.
Monkey come-back
SCIENTISTS have discovered a monkey - Miller's grizzled langur – that was believed to have become extinct many years ago. (Who Miller was, I'm not quite sure. I don't think he started a brewery).
The scientists had set up camera traps in dense jungle on the eastern tip of Borneo, Indonesia, hoping to get shots of clouded leopard, orangutan and other species known to congregate at mineral licks in the Wehea Forest region.
Instead they got pictures of strange monkeys with hooded eyes, pinkish nose and lips and black face framed by a Dracula-like fluffy white collar.
Investigation showed them to be Miller's grizzled langurs, previously found in north-east Borneo and on the islands of Java and Sumatra, but until now believed to have become extinct. Nobody knew they were also at Wehea.
I wonder, have these scientists tried camera traps at Burman Bush? As I write, the little blighters are running over my roof again. I'll have to check for hooded eyes, pinkish nose and lips and Dracula-like fluffy white collar. Nothing surprises me these days.
Golden Collar
UGGIE – the terrier who became a hit at the recent Golden Globe Awards for his part in The Artist - has been nominated for the first-ever Golden Collar Awards next month, which will honour dogs for roles in films.
Good boy! Here's a bone!
Bumper sticker
Apathy: I can take it or leave it.
Tailpiece
IT'S LOVE at first sight. They decide they can't do without each other, they'll marry in a hurry and fill in the gaps as time goes by.
They're on honeymoon and at the poolside. He gets on the 10-metre board, does a two-and-a-half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, then straightens out and cuts the water like a knife.
"That was incredible!" she says as he comes back and lies down on his towel.
"I used to be an Olympic diving champion," he says.
She dives into the water and does 75 effortless laps. She's hardly out of breath as she lies down again.
"So you're an endurance swimmer?"
"No, I was a hooker in Vereeniging but I worked both sides of the Vaal Dam."
Last word
Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed.
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