The Idler, Monday, January 23, 2012

Romance in the air?

 

ONE COULD understand an escort of fighter aircraft if the presidential jet were being flown over hostile territory. As a long shot, one could understand a tanker aircraft for one of those intricate in-flight refuelling exercises if the president were dead set on flying round the world non-stop before getting off in New York to address the United Nations (and get into the Guinness Book of Records.)

But two jetliners to shadow his flight across the Atlantic? Why?

Financial analyst Dr James Greener takes it up in his latest grumpy newsletter: "Someone in the presidency claimed with a straight face that having a back-up plane shadowing the one with the Prez on board is standard procedure 'in case it suffered mechanical failure.'

"This raises several questions including one about transferring the rather bulky (but nimble on his feet) JZ between aircraft if the first one began to splutter a bit over the ocean.

"Far better for us all if we just upgrade him to First Class on SAA. He might even meet his next wife on board."

 

 

Test case

LAST week we looked at the Zululand case where a magistrate and his deputy tried each other alternately on charges of poaching. However, it seems that in Ireland they've gone one better. Reader Brian Kennedy sends in a newspaper snippet of a case where a district court judge was set to appear before himself. To quote the Irish Independent:

"Judge James O'Connor was in the unusual position of being both presiding judge and defendant in his own courtroom.

"Judge O'Connor had to deal with a summons that was before Cahersiveen District Court yesterday that had been issued to him for failing to display a valid national car test (NCT) certificate on his vehicle.

"James O'Connor of Coolroe, Glenbeigh, County Kerry, is accused of committing the offence, contrary to Section 18 of the Road Traffic Act, at Newmarket Street, Cahersiveen, on July 21.

"On the date when the alleged offence occurred, his car was parked at Newmarket Street outside the courthouse where a court sitting had been in progress.

"Judge O'Connor is the presiding judge at District Court number 17 in Kerry.

"At yesterday's sitting, solicitor Jean Harrington, acting on behalf of Eamon Kelly solicitors, requested the State to furnish all statements, documents and garda notebooks relating to the matter.

"This was the first time it had appeared on the court list.

"Judge O'Connor then adjourned the matter for mention to the March 15 sitting of the court for a full hearing date to be decided by the President of the District Court.

"He said a judge would come down from Dublin to hear the case."

Yes, the mills of justice grind slowly but they grind exceeding fine.

No anwers

IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, takes issue with . Patrick Bond, Ashwin Desai and Trevor Ngwane; who in this newspaper last week delivered a  broadside against "neo liberalism" but ended saying: "No, we don't have clear answers ..."

 

UKZN's left wing oracle called Bond,

Of (neo) liberals is not very fond;

Says they cause all our troubles,

Their policies like bubbles,

But won't tell us how the Marxists respond.

 

 

Puzzling prefix

 

IT'S A LITTLE puzzling, to be sure, the way the prefix "neo" is so often attached to the word "liberal". Free enterprise, free trade, freedom of expression, conscience and association – the classic liberal values – are surely pretty well up to the minute, not some harking back to a bygone era.

 

Free love? Liberals of the world, unite!

 

 

Tailpiece

SHE'S frying eggs. He bursts into the kitchen. "Careful," he says. "Careful! Put in more butter! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful! Careful! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! Use the salt, the salt!"

She: " What's eating you? You think I don't know how to fry a few eggs?"

He: "I just want to show you what it's like when I'm driving."

 

Last word

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.