| Lord Lucan mystery resurfaces NEW EVIDENCE has come to light suggesting that Lord Lucan – who went on the run after killing his daughters' nanny in London, apparently mistaking her for his wife – was smuggled out of Britain to Africa. A former detective says there was a highly credible sighting of him in an African country (not named). And a woman who worked as a secretary for Lucan's great friend, John Aspinall, now says she arranged for Lucan's children to be flown out to Kenya and Gabon, so that he could view them from a distance without making contact. Mind you, what's all the fuss about? Lord Lucan was spotted several times on South Beach, Durban. So were the Great Train Robbers and Elvis Presley. Another theory LONDON society had been positively abuzz with the Lord Lucan affair. The most bizarre theories abounded. It was generally felt that he had slipped out of Britain with the assistance of wealthy and influential friends, including Aspinall and multi-millionaire Sir James Goldsmith. But in her recently published autobiography, Clarissa Dixon Wright – one of the ladies in the BBC's Two Fat Ladies cookery series – says there was also a theory was that he'd committed suicide and his body was fed to the animals in Aspinall's safari park. Aspinall maintained for a long time that Lucan had committed suicide aboard his yacht in the English Channel – but then, years later, suddenly announced his death. People presumed he had died with an assumed identity somewhere in Africa. Now it seems even more likely. South Beach? I always wondered about that fellow selling toffee apples. Snow diet AS REPORTED in the news pages, a man has been pulled alive from a car that had been buried in snow in Sweden for two months. He had survived on eating nothing but snow since mid-December. Temperatures have been as low as minus 30 degrees Celsius. It was in the northern Vaesterbotten county, where the rider of a snow scooter noticed the roof of the car, then saw movement. He called the police. They found an unidentified man in his mid-40s huddled in a sleeping bag, starving and barely able to move or speak. He was taken to hospital. I hope the nurses were tactful enough not to feed him ice cream. Recommended Stories Traffic Psalm MICHAEL Green, retired editor of our sister newspaper, the Daily News, says he was driving along Musgrave Road the other day when he saw a smart car driven by an attractive young Indian lady. The car had a personalised number plate: "PSALM 40 – ZN". "I looked up Psalm 40 in the Authorised Version of the Bible. It starts: 'I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me and heard my cry'. "Rather appropriate for a traffic jam, don't you think?" |
Pink Bulls
IN HIS LATEST grumpy newsletter, investment analyst Dr James Greener takes issue with the pink rugby jerseys adopted by the "Blue Bulls" for away games.
"Sports teams enjoy the sometimes quite substantial income derived from the sales of replica kit. Will the Blue Bulls ever sell any of their new, hideous and dreadful zigzag-patterned pink jerseys?
"Fortunately the blue-blooded faithful of Loftus will never have actually to witness in the flesh their team prancing about in pink as these abominations are for away games only – presumably to induce the opposition to laugh themselves out of the game.
"My guess is the marketing team from the supplier included several good-looking young women dressed in these shirts, who distracted the board long enough until the chairman signed the order."
Barbie Duke
THE DUKE and Duchess of Cambridge – William and Kate to most of us – are be marketed as Barbie dolls in their wedding gear. Kate will wear her Alexander McQueen outfit, in miniature, and William will be in his scarlet-coated Irish Guards uniform.
It could have been worse. At least they weren't grabbed by the Cabbage Patch dolls.
Tailpiece
THE STUDENT has a large brass gong and a hammer hanging on the wall of his digs.
"What's that for?" asks a friend.
"It's a talking clock. Watch!"
He whacks the gong a resounding blow. A muffled voice comes through the wall: "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
Last word
Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
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