Our Grecian heritage
THE RUDE and dismissive gesture, "the finger", is in the spotlight again. I had always thought it originated in America but it now transpires it comes from ancient Greece, and we have to rethink its use.
It seems that in about the 4th century BC a group of people visited Diogenes, the Athenian philosopher who lived in a barrel, to ask what he thought of the orator Demosthenes. Diogenes responded with "the finger" – middle finger outstretched, the rest of the fist clenched – and said: "This is the great demagogue."
Now Diogenes was not a man to be trifled with. When Alexander the Great visited him to experience his intellectual powers, he leaned over Diogenes's barrel, at which Diogenese told him to get out of his light. As people gasped at Diogenes's impudence, Alexander said if he were not Alexander he would rather be Diogenese than any other man.
You see what I'm getting at? Diogenese was big league. Ancient Greece was the cradle of democracy, And if Diogenes was giving "the finger" to whatever he despised, perhaps we need to do the same.
The issue arises from an incident at the National Football League Super Bowl event in New York last weekend when, during the half-time entertainment, British pop star MIA gave "the finger". The NFL and NBC television, who broadcast it, afterwards apologised profusely to viewers.
I'm obliged to the BBC for tracing "the finger" all the way back to ancient Greece. I'd always thought it was a piece of Yankee cultural imperialism trying to displace our traditional "twos-up" gesture, which goes back to the Battle of Agincourt where the French promised to cut off the bowstring fingers of the English longbowmen and the bowmen responded derisively with "two fingers" when they won the day.
Because of this, I'd always encouraged people to give "twos-up" to traffic wardens and other undesirables because it's part of our cultural heritage, the way we drive on the left and give up our seats to ladies. But maybe it's time for a rethink. "The finger" might well be appropriate for traffic wardens and others. Ancient Greece is also our heritage, only a little more distant.
There's an opportunity to put it to the test one of these days when our own great demagogue, Comrade Julius, argues his case again before those who sit in judgment on him. "The finger" would be most concise and eloquent.
The bright side
LET'S BE balanced in our approach to the Manase Report. Okay, it seems there's been fraud and corruption on a grand scale. Sitting councillors and officials have been trading with the municipality. Scarce skills allowances have been illegally paid. Metro policemen have been running taxi businesses …
But a lot that's good has also happened. A whole lot of street names have been changed. A huge, world class football stadium has been built, across the road from an existing stadium. Er …
The Anfield cat
A CAT can stare at a king … it can also hold up a football match. It happened at Anfield, Liverpool, the other day when a grey-and-white tabby ran onto the field in a Premier Division match between the home side and Tottenham.
Play was held up for a full minute before an official was able to catch the cat and release it into the crowd.
What would have attracted a cat to a large football stadium such as Anfield, packed as it was with fans? Does some fan bring his cat along with him to matches?
The match was a 0-0 draw, the cat incident being the highlight.
Tailpiece
TWO LITTLE boys, aged eight and six, decide they're grown-up enough to start swearing. They'll try it out on their mother. The eight-year-old says: "Okay, you say `ass' and I'll say `hell'".
They downstairs, where their mother asks what they'd like for breakfast.
"Aw, hell," the eight-year-old says casually. "Gimme some cereals."
His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him out of the room bawling. She turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?"
"I dunno," he quavers. "But you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be cereals."
Last word
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
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