| Exit Robespierre SO MALEMA is to go the way of Robespierre (figuratively at least) without being given the opportunity to launch The Terror or take the cheese from my fridge, as he'd threatened. A vacuum lies ahead, to which we in the business of purveying information will have to adjust. But we will meet the challenge with fortitude. However, it seems unlikely we've heard absolutely the last of the enfant terrible. He could still feature in various investigations into what went wrong in Limpopo province. But that's part of the Robespierre scenario. Cartoon queen TO MARK Queen Elizabeth's diamond jubilee, British cartoons of her reign have been brought together in a book titled Her Maj. The cartoons of the 1950s were respectful, lampooning her corgis and the pomp and circumstance of court, rather than herself or the Duke of Edinburgh. But gradually the cartoonists relaxed and true caricatures emerged – some of them a little unflattering but mainly pretty affectionate. In a TV discussion of Her Maj, people seemed to think it was a disappearance of the deference once automatically afforded the institution of monarchy. I'm not so sure about that automatic deference. If you look at newspaper cartoons of the monarchy from the Victorian era they are robust, some of them downright cheeky. One has Queen Victoria as a fat, dumpy little frau with a crown perched on her head. She's viewing a completed sculpture of herself: slim, young and regal – such statues stand all over the world, including in Durban and Pietermaritzburg. She's saying: "Coo, just the spittin' image, ain't it Albert Edward?" Hardly deferential . Wilson era ONE OF the best examples of growing non-deference was when satirical magazine Private Eye had Elizabeth photographed on the throne reading the Queen's Speech to open parliament. A speech bubble had her saying: "Of course, I didn't write this crap …" I think it was during the Harold Wilson era. Chi-chi divorce MANY of the more chi-chi country lodges and hotels have chapels where couples can be married in the most idyllic surroundings. But in the Netherlands they've gone a step further. They have a hotel where you check in with the missus for the weekend, then walk out at the end of it with a divorce. Presumably you can invite all your friends along, the way you did to the wedding. Once booked in, you meet a mediator and a series of lawyers behind closed doors, who will split assets, agree alimony payments and arrange visitation rights - all for a fixed fee. It is the idea of entrepreneur Jim Halfens, who spotted a gap in the market."When they leave the hotel, all the work is done," he says. "The only thing that happens then in Dutch law is that they have to show the agreement to a judge and that takes a couple of weeks. But they walk out of the door divorced." Before that do they get put in separate beds? We're not told. Cougar conspiracy THERE'S nothing like a good conspiracy theory. Scientists in England have kyboshed the idea that two roe deer were mauled to death by a panther-like "big cat" on National Trust land near Stroud, in Gloucestershire. They say DNA tests show the attacking predators were a fox and a dog. This has dismayed the panther/cougar/ jaguar/ leopard lobby who insist they have heard the creature howling at night. Some say the government is covering things up, the way they cover up visits by UFOs. It's quite obvious what's been happening. UFOs have been landing in Gloucestershire and turning loose cougars and things that they've captured in other parts of the world. Why can't the authorities just admit to what's going on? | |
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Tailpiece
Two elderly couples are chatting.
"Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding. They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualisation, association - it's made a big difference for me."
"That's great. What's the name of that clinic?"
"Er, er …" He concentrates. Then: "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turns to his wife. "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
Last word
I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed.
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