A Japanese evening
HAIKU is a Japanese poetic form of three lines (when written in English) in which two images or ideas are juxtaposed and then "cut" by a kireji, or cutting-word. The haiku combines brevity with impact.
Haiga is the Japanese combination of haiku-writing with painting. What they call it when the Japanese martial art of karate is introduced, I really don't know. But kireji, the cutting-word, doesn't seem too far removed from karate, with its sharp chopping motions.
Anyway, haiga is what will be on offer at St Clement's tonight as this Monday evening soiree of literati and glitterati gets into the swing again for 2012.
Pieter Scholtz, former Drama prof on The Hill, will read from 25 haiku written by himself and illustrated by Andrew Verster in a book they will be launching.
It sounds a gas. I might even take along my old friend Peter Duffy, mercenary, adventurer and exponent of karate, who spent a long time in Japan studying the martial arts. Who knows, we could emerge with yet another art form.
Near-nudity
IS THERE no limit to the depths of depravity visited upon us by television? Is there no escape at all from this ghastly celebrity culture?
There we had him showing off all his revolting tattoos. The poxy little moustache and the designer stubble.
Posing in his Y-fronts.
Yes, it was David Beckham posing for the camera in underwear that he apparently designed himself, telling us in his dreadful Essex Man whine how he's always had a "passion" for underwear.
Pass the sickbag, Alice!
Brrrrr!
TEMPERATURES have plummeted below freezing across the whole of Europe. They're talking of a new Ice Age.
This global warming is getting out of hand.
Home remedies
SOME amazing, simple home remedies:
· Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
· Avoid arguments with females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
· A mousetrap placed on top of the alarm clock prevents your rolling over and going back to sleep after hitting the snooze button.
· If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You'll stop coughing.
· You need only two tools in life – Q20 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the Q20. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
· If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
Pistolero
UNUSUAL footage ... CCTV cameras outside a Brazilian bank captured a bandit wildly brandishing two pistols as he guarded the door while his accomplices inside robbed the place.
Then he shot himself in the foot. Then he limped away, no longer enthusiastic about the robbery.
He was arrested that night when he presented himself at a hospital for treatment. Police are still searching for the rest of the gang.
Wartime cartoon
I HADN'T realised it, but apparently in Ireland during World War II they actually did change signposts and things to confuse the Germans if they invaded.
Responding to last week's speculation that the street and place name changes here could be in anticipation of an invasion, reader Brian Kennedy recalls a wartime cartoon that shows a platoon of German soldiers looking at a sign that says "Dublin 20 miles". A lot further on they see another sign "Dublin 20 miles". The feldwebel (sergeant) says: "Well at least we are holding our own, lads."
Rover, current account
AN ODD bit of evidence to emerge in the trial of English football manager Harry Redknapp on tax evasion charges is that he had a bank account in Monaco in the name of his dog.
Or is it all that odd? The fuzz are no doubt scanning bank records for suspicious names like Garfield and Pretty Boy, which would suggest accounts having been opened in the name of cats and budgies.
But what's a typical name for a gerbil or a hamster? Or a pet chameleon? The goalposts are constantly being moved. Who would be a tax investigator?
Tailpiece
A TOURIST asks an American Indian his wife's name.
"She called Five Horses".
"That's an unusual name. What does it mean?"
"It old, traditional Indian name. It mean: Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag!"
Last word
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
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