Dishy but dangerous
STILL dishy British actress Joanna Lumley has been in a furious row with the Ministry of Defence over her campaign to have retired Gurkha soldiers allowed to settle in the United Kingdom. Lumley (herself the daughter of a major in the Gurkhas) took great umbrage at suggestions she had been parachuted in as a headline seeker and had since gone quiet on the issue.
The Gurkhas - Nepalese mercenaries who have served in the British army for generations – are fierce fellows who enjoy nothing better than to fight hand-to-hand using the traditional kukri – a curved, heavy, razor-sharp knife.
Oddly enough, a chap was telling me just the other day about his experience with the Gurkhas. He was with a Royal Navy warship tied up in a river in North Borneo at the time of an undeclared war with Indonesia in the 1960s.
Suddenly they came under mortar attack. The ship's guns replied. The mortars went quiet and next thing the navy dropped a company of Gurkhas by boat on the opposite bank. They disappeared into the jungle, and all night there were yells, screams and bursts of rifle fire.
Next morning the Gurkhas radioed to be picked up. When they got into the boat, this chap said, he thought at first they'd all been badly wounded. They were covered in blood.
But then he saw they had human ears threaded onto the epaulettes of their uniforms. Souvenirs (if you'll pardon the awful pun). The Gurkhas had not lost a single man, though a few were wounded. The enemy were wiped out.
A grisly and disturbing story, to be sure. Moral: It's best to have the Gurkhas on your side.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Defence Minister Kevan Jones backed down and apologised immediately and unreservedly to Joanna Lumley. Just as well – she's probably still got her dad's kukri.
Topical lines
ANDREW Dale sends in some verse that he would have called Truth In Parentheses, if Thomas Hood hadn't beaten him to it by 150 years. It has a great topicality.
The occupants accept with glee
The houses from the RDP.
(The cracks are all thrown in for free)
Oh ain't life jolly.
To tour by coach we've often heard,
Makes outdoor travel seem absurd.
(If two break down we'll send a third –
We shall, by golly!)
To see the town from East to West
A trip in Sky Car is the best.
(Be sure to wear your safety vest
On Sutcliffe's folly.)
Digging up Durban
READER Wendy Illing says her daughter-in-law is teaching her three-year-old granddaughter the letters of the alphabet, in a song-format.
For D, she has taught her the following:
Digging up Durban, d-d-Dee,
Digging up Durban, d-d-Dee
Digging up Durban, d-d-Dee
We are learning our letters!
"She comes out with the song every time she sees any digging. Needless to say, I hear the song over and over again, even on the shortest trip.
"We had to take a detour today, and Bella commented from the back of the car that they weren't digging up that particular stretch of the road. Quite an observant little soul."
GHS reunion
ANNE Davel, former South African women's hockey international, is organising a 50th anniversary reunion of the Pietermaritzburg Girls' High School matric class of 1960, at the school on July 30.
They were a great crop of girls. I know because I was just down the road at Maritzburg College. In fact I think Anne and I won the provincial ballroom dancing championship. Or is my memory playing tricks?
Anne says she wants to make it a reunion to remember. Will I be jumping out of the cake? No comment.
GHS girls of the 1960 matric class should e-mail Anne: freddavel@eject.co.za or phone 031-564 2866 or 079 693 3780.
Wisdom
I'M OBLIGED to Eric Hodgson for this aphorism (author unknown): "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."
Tailpiece
Patient: "Those pills you gave me make me feel great. But they also make me walk like a crab."
Doctor: "Ah, that's the side effects."
Last word
I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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