El computador it is
IS A COMPUTER masculine or feminine? It cropped up in a Spanish class where the teacher was explaining that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House for instance, is feminine: 'la casa'. Pencil, however, is masculine: 'el lapiz'."
A student asked: "What gender is computer?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
* No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
* The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
* Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.
* As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ('el computador'), because:
* In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
* They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
* They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
* As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model..
The women won.
Right for once
THE ABOVE is a rare example of the word "gender" being used in its correct sense as a grammatical term.
The Gender Commission ought to be the Sex Commission – but they thought it sounded too much fun.
Out to lunch
A ROAD sign in Swansea reads: "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only." Underneath is written in Welsh: "Nid wyf yn y swyddfa ar hyn obryd. Anfonwch unrhyw waith i'w gyfieithu."
Unfortunately it's not a great translation. It means: "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated."
The council had e-mailed a translation service then had its response signwritten.
Driving tips
SOME tips have been compiled to give tourists guidance on using our roads during the Football World Cup:
* Never indicate - this gives away your next move.
* Do not leave a safe distance between you and the car in front - this will be filled by at least two taxis and a BMW.
* The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance of getting hit.
* Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will only result in your being rear-ended.
* Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that yourABS kicks in, giving you a relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
* Never pass on the right when you can do it on the left.
* Speed limits are arbitrary, given only as a guideline.
* Just because you're in the right lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
* Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. Never stop to help - you will be mugged.
* Learn to swerve abruptly. South Africa is the home of high-speed slalom driving, thanks to the government which puts holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes.
* Honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. This prevents storks from building nests on top of the traffic light and birds from making deposits on your car.
* Remember, the goal of every South African driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
* On average, at least three cars can still go through an intersection after the light has turned red. It's people not adhering to this basic principle that causes big traffic jams during rush hour.
Tailpiece
DIFFERENCE between a clown and a man with a mid-life crisis: The clown knows he's wearing ludicrous clothes.
Last word
Language is the source of misunderstandings.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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