East is East and West is West …
NEWS from Afghanistan. An army platoon was patrolling when they came upon a Taleban insurgent, badly injured and unconscious at the roadside. On the other side was a British soldier, also injured but not as seriously and fully conscious.
As first aid was administered to both, the British soldier reported: "I was on a recce of the highway here when suddenly coming towards me from the south was a heavily-armed insurgent. We saw each other and we both took cover in the ditches along the road.
"I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable lowlife scumbag who'd got what he deserved. The insurgent yelled back that Gordon Brown is a fat, useless, lying, one-eyed pudding-head. And furthermore, Lord Mandelson is a nincompoop and a complete prat.
"So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and ponces about like a frigid, hatchet-faced lesbian.
"He retaliated by shouting that so does Harriet Harman.
"And, there we were in the middle of the road, laughing and shaking hands, when this damned bus hit us."
Bar brawl
A FEW OF us plan to gather in the Shamrock this evening to mark the end of an era. The Shamrock, one of Durban's character pubs, is not closing – that would be a catastrophe – but moving to new premises up the road.
It will be a poignant moment for me. My hooligan Irish terrier, whose depredations have at times been mentioned in this column (and who alas is no more – he died recently at a dog's age of 105) was once the mascot of the Shamrock. His photograph was on the wall, along with newspaper clippings recording his exploits. He was always fed, on arrival, with a bowl of eisbein bones.
Then he was barred after a fight with a standard poodle- those are the big jobs - brought in by a woman. It made a wild west bar brawl look like a picnic. The place was wrecked, the owner was knocked from the bar stool from which he was appealing for calm.
Memories, memories …
Never walk alone.
MORE on that dust cloud. British air space has been closed to all flights for the first time in history due to a massive dust cloud covering the entire country.
Police however have made a breakthrough and have arrested the man thought to be responsible. Apparently he was cleaning the Liverpool Football Club trophy cabinet.
Yes, sports jokes can be very cruel.
That Test again
IT'S THAT 1948 cricket Test against England at Kingsmead again. It's truly astonishing how many readers clearly recollect it – and favourably compare it with current cricket. Reader Denis Barker recalls it as the first instalment in his addiction to cricket.
"I well remember, as a 17-year-old from Umzinto, sitting under the old Kingsmead scoreboard watching that epic last ball win of England back in 1948 - the first cricket Test I ever watched. And it was the first of many later games both in England and Australia that I followed with never-failing enthusiasm, except perhaps for Jackie McGlew's seven-hour century against Australia the following year.
"And now I have to put up with this billion-dollar Indian 20/20 farce - apart from the quite brilliant fielding - every day of the week. And the commentators! Mind you, I think even John Arlott would battle to find what to say in such a short time."
Myth-making
WHAT is a myth? No, it's not something that's untrue- as many seem to think – it's something people construct in their minds to explain the world about them. It goes on all the time.
"Mythmaking , Ancient and Modern" will be the theme of a series of lectures/discussions from Tuesday next week, given by retired psychologist Desi Halse and former university lecturer Charlotte Mbali, both of them with Life Long Learning, an organisation that has replaced the Centre for Adult Education at the University of KwaZulu-Natal.
The drawback is that I will be joining these redoubtable ladies to discuss the role of the media in modern myth-making.
Anyone interested should contact info@l.l.l.kzn.net or phone 082-8732702.
Tailpiece
| A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. |
| Last word I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones. GRAHAM LINSCOTT |
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