Shakedown artist shooken
HERE'S one to gladden the heart of every honest citizen. Reader Stuart Senar tells of a friend who was driving with a passenger when they came to a stop street at a T-junction.
He stopped to let another car through, then proceeded on his way. Then he was pulled over by a policeman who accused him of not stopping. The driver assured the cop he had stopped, otherwise there would have been an accident. It then occurred to him that he was dealing with a shakedown artist looking for a pay-off.
The cop walked around inspecting the car, then came back to the window. The driver slipped him a R100 note and drove off.
Explanation: Being the owner of a few bars, he encounters the odd counterfeit note. He always keeps one in his wallet for just such an occasion.
"He tells me never leaves home without one now."
This is indeed a heartwarming tale. I wonder if monopoly money would work.
Accents Down Under
A READER who calls himself Greg reacts to last week's piece on the difference between New Zealand and Australian accents.
"New Zealanders are descendants of free Scottish settlers whereas Australians are descendant s of Irish and English, including the brigands, guttersnipes and riff-raff that were exiled there.
"That also goes a long way to explaining the accent of the Americans – Irish, not English.
"About 99 percent of the people of this world think the Irish, Scots, Welsh and English are one and the same."
Too true, no more so than in South Africa. There's nothing more amusing than the indignation of a Scottish nationalist who finds himself routinely described here, in all sorts of quarters, as "English".
Technology monster
YESTERDAY we discussed the keyboard layouts that have remained the same in spite of the digital revolution. Today journalism student Zinhle Ngcobo (she doesn't say where) recoils from the monster called technology.
"Internet, e-mail, windows (Why not doors?), software, hardware, download, upload, virus, anti-virus, reboot (But I didn't kick you in the first place!) - I thought there were only 11 official languages in South Africa.
"Can't they just let us write with pen and paper? I went through 12 years of school with my trusted pen and paper and now I have to use keyboards and word processors (I thought you only did that with food - no wonder I go home scrambled every day)."
Zinhle, I remember how shocked I was when told I would have to use a typewriter. But you get used to it. Also, a digital keyboard is a hundred times easier to use than a typewriter. You've come into journalism at the right time.
Good luck!
Football
BILL Wallace points out that earlier this week I wrongly described American football as "gridiron".
"American football is played on a field called 'the gridiron'. The game is football, a derivation of rugby. We revolted from the Empire too soon for the game of rugby to take hold.
"We also derived another game from an empire game known as cricket and it is called American baseball or just baseball.
"The two above games are the only games along with lacrosse (Native American) and basketball, that were invented by Americans."
Did baseball really derive from cricket? I thought it came from rounders – the game we played at prep school with a bat and a tennis ball – though of course it could have been the other way round. They're both played on a diamond.
I always believed lacrosse had its origins in India, and grass hockey developed from it.
There's a theory – floated in this column before – that American football derives from merging rugby and soccer, resulting from a fixture in the 19th century between two university sides. When the visitors arrived, after a long journey, it was discovered that one side played association football (soccer) and the other rugby football. But they played the match anyway.
It's an interesting theory. American football obviously resembles rugby, but its long forward throws are like soccer passes. Nobody seems to know.
Tailpiece
"WHAT do you think our husbands talk about when they're down at the pub?"
"Probably the same things as us."
"No! The filthy rats!"
Last word
Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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