Awe-inspiring Queen Mary 2
IT WAS WITH a sense of awe that one watched Queen Mary 2 sail out through the new harbour mouth this week, ablaze with lights and blocking the view of the Bluff. As she disappeared out to sea, her enormous bulk seemed only to be emphasised as distance reduced her, stern-on, to one huge, gleaming crystal.
Then as she turned south (an ordinary ship would have been virtually out of view at night by then) you could see the speed picking up against landmarks, even at that distance. With a top speed of almost 30 knots, what she manages out in the Agulhas current is difficult to imagine.
My generation grew up with the conventional wisdom that Durban would never see either of the Queens (the originals) because they would not get through the harbour entrance. QE2 eventually did make it, but she's more compact than the original.
QM 2 – built in France - is considerably bigger than her predecessor, the largest ocean liner ever. The awe is inspired not just by her bulk and opulence. In a time of world recession, something is still working – and on a grand scale.
What ship?
THE equally inspiring sight of QM 2 sailing into Durban harbour recalls the story of her illustrious predecessor entering the Mediterranean as a troopship during World War II.
Queen Mary was so big and so fast that she sailed alone, not in convoy. When they tried her in convoy, she had actually rammed an escorting cruiser, ploughing right through it.
She was a magnificent sight as she sailed into the Straits of Gibraltar that particular evening, catching the last rays of the sun. She was unmistakeable, the biggest ship in the world.
The aldis lamp flashed the traditional challenge from the gun battery on the Rock of Gibraltar: "What ship?"
Came the reply from Queen Mary's bridge: "What rock?"
A dog's life
AMONG the luxuries on board QM2 is the kennel programme for passengers' pets. This is overseen by a full-time kennel master who takes care of feeding, walking and cleaning the ship's 12 spacious kennels.
Travelling dogs and cats receive a complimentary gift pack and other animal amenities.
The kennels and adjacent indoor and outdoor walking areas are open throughout the day, allowing passengers to spend time with their pets.
That's why they call him Rover.
Eina!
ANOTHER bit from Bill Bryson's Bizarre World (Warner Books):
When Knud Jensen fell into a barberry patch in Denmark he did it in a big way. At last report doctors had removed almost 24 000 inch-long barberry thorns from him and were still counting."
Tailpiece
A TOP CITY lawyer went duck shooting in rural Kentucky. He shot one which fell into a farmer's field the other side of a fence. As he climbed through to retrieve it, the elderly farmer drove up on his tractor.
"What ya doin' on my property?"
"I'm retrieving a duck I shot that landed on your property."
"This is my property and that's my duck. You stay out!"
The lawyer is furious.
"I'm one of the best litigators in the country. If you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you for everything you own."
The old farmer smiles. "Why not use the three-kick rule? That's the way we settle small disputes in these parts."
"What's the three-kick rule?"
"It's my property so I start by kicking you three times. Then you kick me three times. Then I kick you three times. And so we go on until we've got it settled."
The lawyer looks at the old codger and considers. "All right, the three-kick rule then."
They square up. The farmer kicks the lawyer in the groin with a heavy boot. As he goes down groaning, he kicks him again in the gut. Then he hoofs him again in the rear end, sending him flying through the air to land with his face in a cowpat.
The lawyer gets groggily to his feet. "Now it's my turn."
"Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
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Last word
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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