Too-fat passenger
AMERICA'S concern about obesity appears to have reached new levels with actor and film maker Kevin Smith ordered off an internal air flight because he is "too fat."
It's not clear whether this was due to sheer prejudice against fat men on the part of the captain or whether Smith actually did take the Southwest Airlines flight from Oakland to Burbank over the critical payload. There's also the possibility (reading a garbled statement of apology from the airline) that he failed to book the two seats he normally does for a flight.
Whatever the case, Smith was bumped from the flight, at which he sent out an indignant message to his fans via Twitter: "I broke no regulation, offered no 'safety risk' (What, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?)"
It's most puzzling. What parts does Smith play in his own movies? I don't know him or his films, but it sounds as if [G1] he must be immensely fat which, paradoxically, narrows the field. They can't make that many films in America that feature grossly overweight characters, in spite of the national stats.
Has he perhaps starred somewhere as a South African policeman?
And another
THE ABOVE recalls an incident of the 1970s when a hugely fat Durban showbiz empressario, known to everyone simply as Fischke – he seemed to have no other name - was unable to board a connecting flight to take him to Canada.
This was not due to prejudice against fat folk, it was just that Fischke was unable to fit through the door of the aircraft.
Plus two more
ONCE I was on a charter flight to Ndumu, where a new water scheme was being opened. The great and the good were all invited along.
We landed at Richards Bay to pick up passengers. The aircraft was one of those small twin-engine jobs that carry about a dozen passengers.
The pilot groaned as he spotted two enormously fat provincial MPs waddling across the tarmac. Then he invited me to join him in the vacant co-pilot's seat "to get the trim of the plane right."
Sure enough, it lurched backward as the two new passengers climbed aboard.
Sitting beside him I could hear as he spoke to air traffic control, filing his flight plan as we taxied out. "Twelve passengers, 14 if you count the two fat bastards I've just picked up …"
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Anglo-Saxon reserve
ON TV THE other night, Barack Obama embraced various congressmen as the House of Representatives prepared to vote on his health care bill. It was as if they were in Argentina or Brazil.
Has Anglo-Saxon reserve disappeared in America? And England?
There was a time when I spent long spells in the company of Latinos. The male embrace and mutual back-slapping were the way we behaved. It would have been rude to behave otherwise. But I had to remember, once home, that this was a place of the Anglo-Saxon firm handshake.
Habits have changed. I'm sure that when Jacob Zuma met Gordon Brown on the steps of No 10 Downing Street recently, they hugged. They certainly smooched each other's wife (Singular, of course – the rest were back at Nkandla).
What is this? Is there a good reason why politicians should behave like footballers after a goal? Is there a good reason why footballers should behave like politicians?
And why all this kissing between perfect strangers? It now seems to be all the rage in America as well. Is it not slightly off-putting?
There's something sinister about it as well, the comradely hug. Stalin used to give a huge bear-hug to people he was planning to have shot later on in the cellars of the Lubyanka. It was part of his macabre ritual.
Give me Anglo-Saxon reserve any time; the handshake, not the hug!
Rugby recovery
IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, penned these lines before last Saturday's win at Dunedin. But his sentiments match the process of steady recovery that we hope the win signals.
Show some pity for our battling Sharks,
A team of the brightest rugby sparks;
Add an Aussie ref,
Both blind and deaf,
It's no wonder they're down in the charts.
Tailpiece
Vet: "Paddy, your cows have got bluetongue."
Paddy: "Begorrah! I didn't even know dey had cellphones."
Last word
A witty saying proves nothing.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
[G1]Mensely fat
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