Battle of St Ives
PIRACY showed its ugly visage in Durban harbour the other day and the Jolly Roger flew from several craft as they exchanged hostilities in the St Ives channel and elsewhere. Weapon of preference was the water cannon, a sort of pump that shoots a projectile of water, drenching the opposing crew.
Hostilities later moved ashore and individuals in the traditional black eyepatches and headscarves were to be seen scuffling, throwing mud pies and generally misbehaving in the locality of Point Yacht Club.
Alcohol is thought to have been an aggravating factor.
It was, of course, the NSRI Barrel Race, a major fundraiser for the National Sea Rescue Institute, which does so much to rescue craft in distress off our coast and operates entirely on private sector financial support and with voluntary boat crews.
The organisers afterwards described the support this year as better than ever. They were still counting the cash, they said, and were confident of breaking all records.
Late in the evening, a Mexican wave swept Charlie's Bar at PYC. Only eight people were still there by that stage, but it was impressive all the same.
Get rid of stress
STRESS is the scourge of modern society. Reader John Knottenbelt shares a formulation which he says has been received with enthusiasm by all his friends and business associates. Here goes:
A lecturer explaining stress management raised a glass of water and asked: "'How heavy is this?"
Answers ranged from 20g to 500g.
He replied: "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
"In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.
"And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on.
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.
"So before you return home tonight, put down the burden of work. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.
"So put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while."
To this are added some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
* Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Always wear stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone R20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time because you won't have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Tailpiece
A STREAKER runs through a golf club with a towel over his face. He passes a group of woman members.
"At least it's not my husband," says one.
"No, it's not," says another.
"He's not even a member of the club," says a third.
Last word
A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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