The Idler, Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Florida is

where it's

happening

IT'S all happening in Florida, in the US. Three women were found lounging about stark naked at a highway rest stop near Tampa Bay. Questioned by police, they said they were "air drying" after taking a shower.

They then cut short the police interview, jumping into their car and speeding off, pursued by the cops, according to Huffington Post.

When the cops followed them to a shop's parking lot, one of the gals got out and attacked them with a pink baseball bat. All three had to be tasered before being taken to the lock-up to be charged with fleeing to elude police, resisting arrest, aggravated assault and lewd behaviour.

These Florida gals are high-spirited but clearly a handful.

Meanwhile, at Fort Myers the place is being invaded by horny and hungry alligators. Two factors coincide. It's the mating season. Also, high temperatures have wrought a metabolic change, making the alligators hungry as well. So instead of honeymooning in the swamps, as usual, they've made for the suburbs where there's a bit of grub to be found as well.

It's all rather chaotic. Yes, Florida is where it's happening.

Cathedral city

SALISBURY, the Wiltshire cathedral city, has been named the best place in Britain to live. This is according to a poll by the British Sunday Times.

Home editor Helen Davies says: "Salisbury remains a divinely attractive and welcoming place. It's handy for coast, countryside and London, has some of the best schools in the south-west, a great market and it's very strong culturally too."

That's fine – just as long as you can avoid the Russian secret service spooks with their novichok poison.

British wit

MORE from Rosemarie Jarski's Great British Wit. Topic: Success.

·         Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. - Winston Churchill.

·         All the rudiments for success in life are to be found ironing trousers. – Chris Eubank.

·         Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

·         Winning is everything. The only ones who remember when you come second are your wife and dog. – Damon Hill.

·         If you can keep your head when all about are losing theirs, you'll be taller than anybody else. – Tim Brooke-Taylor.

·         The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you. – Nancy Astor.

·         I attribute my whole success in  life to a rigid observance of the fundamental rule – never have yourself tattooed with any woman's name, not even her initials. – PG Wodehouse.

Change

DURBAN poet Sarita Mathur pens some lines on change.

We all seek change,
From the inside out,
Abundance within our world🌎
Within our heart and mind.
Contentment of another kind
Away from all the noise and din.
In restfulness and peace.
Our outer world will also change,
Bringing in joy and happiness
Contentment too.
Change within ourselves.
Creates the change we seek.
Our physical world gets transformed too,
We have to Be The Change
We want to see.
A happy and dynamic future.
Awaits you
As it awaits me.

 

Tailpiece

DADDY takes little Johnny to the zoo for a treat. When they get back, Mummy asks: "Did you have a nice time?"

Little Johnny says: "It was great. For Daddy too. He was so happy when one of the animals came in at 30 to 1."

Last word

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. - F Scott Fitzgerald