No moustache
behind
the glass
I FIND myself the other evening at the HQ of the Natal Mounted Rifles. The pipers are playing. There are many bemedalled ladies and gents, officers and other ranks, representing the different arms of service.
I am puzzled to note that some of the insignia of the navy has changed since my days before the mast. I'm told that a fellow with the unfamiliar insignia is in fact a petty officer.
In my day a petty officer had crossed anchors on his sleeve, no mistaking it. A chief petty officer had three brass buttons on the sleeve, there to stop the midshipman (the most junior officer) wiping his nose on it. Midshipmen were considered snotty-nosed little boys and to this day are called "snotties". I think.
But this is by the by. I am there for the official opening of the NMR Museum, a marvellous display superbly mounted in glass cabinets, capturing the history of the regiment since its origins in 1854 – the early colonial days, the Boer War, World War I, World War II and beyond. Also the regimental silver, which is extensive. Somebody put a lot of work into this.
I am momentarily startled to encounter behind the glass a tall, cleanshaven figure in cavalry blues. Has Colonel Pat Acutt (the regiment's former OC) shaved off his famous moustache? But no, this is a mannequin figure. Pat is also there, medals, moustache and all.
I'm intrigued by a public notice from World War I: "Warning. Looting! Looting of premises damaged or vacated by reason of war is punishable by death or lifetime imprisonment."
Does this have a resonance today? A luta continhua!
Speedster
KEITH Brodie, Vice-Commodore of Royal Natal Yacht Club, claims the KZN land speed record, supported by the Road Traffic Inspectorate.
"I received a speeding fine earlier this week alleging that I was trapped doing an average speed of 286km/h on my way back to Durban from the Midlands.
"It was so fast my vehicle does not even appear in the photo.
"I was wondering if this is not some form of speed record?"
It most certainly sounds like it, Keith. Wow, faster than the camera shutter! I've notified Guinness and I'm sure they'll be there to get the details when you appear in "R" court in Maritzburg.
Football poser
HOW, in football, do you score two goals without the opposition touching the ball?
Impossible? There's a kick-off by the opposition after you score?
You score just on half-time. It's your kick-off for the second half. You dribble your way through.
The Street Shelter for the Over-Forties is a mine of useful information.
Tailpiece
THIS fellow gets invited to the Humour Bar by a friend who is a regular there. Very pleasant, very jolly.
Then a chaps gets up and shouts: "Forty-four!" The place shrieks with laughter.
Another gets up and shouts: "Sixteen!" Agan they're rolling about.
"What is this?"
"Oh," says his friend wiping his eyes. "Everyone knows all the jokes. We've got them numbered. You have a try."
He gets up and shouts: "Eighty-eight!"
There's stunned silence for a second then an absolute paroxysm of laughter. They're paralytic. The barman wipes his eyes with his apron then shakes his hand. "Congratulations! It's a long time since we had a new one."
Last word
The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons.
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