Brexit is
now a two-
horse race
IT'S now a two-horse race in Britain between Brexit and Therexit. Prime Minister Theresa May has promised that if the House of Commons accepts the Brexit deal she has cobbled with the EU, she'll leave office this summer. Weird or what?
Now to the Brexit confusion is added jockeying for the prime ministership.
Meanwhile the Commons, left to its own devices this week, has discovered that it agrees on nothing about Brexit except that a no-deal departure is not on.
Weird is hardly the word. Britain has the fifth largest economy in the world, it's a senior Nato member and a member of the UN Security Council with veto powers. Yet Theresa May's Brexit deal makes it more or less a vassal state of Europe, subject to customs and other arrangements it has no say in establishing. Let's not even talk about the Northern Ireland border.
Now a royal charter from the reign of King John in the year 1200 has been found in a cardboard box in Ushaw College Library, in County Durham, England.
Mediaeval scholars are studying it with fascination. Perhaps it can contribute to the Brexit babble. Anything goes, it seems.
Busy stork
THE stork is having a busy time at the Maine Medical Centre, in the city of Portland in the US. Nine nurses working on the same maternity ward are all heavily pregnant and due to give birth at around the same time, according to Sky News..
The odds-defying baby boom has provoked plenty of excitement.
Posting on Facebook, the hospital said: "How's this for a baby boom? Nine of our nurses (eight of whom are in this photo) are expecting babies between April and July! Congratulations!"
ertisement
One of the pregnant nurses, Brittney Verville, posted it on her own Facebook page: "Something is definitely in the water here on the Labour and Delivery Unit! Lots of baby friends being made this summer!"
These storks, you can't rein them in.
Insults
A STRING of Scottish insults have been added to the Oxford English English Dictionary.
If somebody calls you a "bawbag", he's implying you belong under a sporran.
If you're "bam", "bampot" or "bamstick", you're foolish, annoying or obnoxious. In fact you're also a "roaster"..
A "tube" – or "choob" – is an idiot. A "sprag" is a braggart. If you're "bowfing", you stink and need a bath. If you're "fantoosh", you're a fancy-pants.
Och, awa' an' pachle yer heed mon!
Rugby corker
THE Bulls tomorrow. This will be a corker, the Sharks with plenty to prove – firstly that they have given up conceding kickable penalties for Handre Pollard; secondly that their speedsters in the backline are the real deal.
'Erewego,'erewego, 'erewego!
___
Tailpiece
A TOURIST is sitting in the sunshine outside an Irish pub, enjoying a pint of Guinness. A nun sits down opposite and starts lecturing him on the evils of drink.
He demurs. Everything in moderation, he says. Has she ever tried a drink?
"No, never! De potions of de devil!"
"Let me buy you a whiskey. Then you can make up your mind."
"How can I as a non sit out here drinkin'? But mebbe yez could put it in a teacup."
He goes inside and asks for a double whiskey in a teacup.
Barman: "Oh no, don't tell me dat non is out dere again!"
Last word
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.
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