Good news –
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HAPPY days! The International Rugby Board has overruled that decision by the TMO that the ball touched the line before being gathered by the Sharks for a Dan de Preez try early against the Bulls on Saturday, contradicting the earlier decision by the ref.
That means the final score becomes 21-19 in the Sharks' favour and we are top of the regional Super Rugby log, which is as it should be. Yippee!
Meanwhile, Akker van der Merwe and Schalk Brits – the Unhappy Hookers – are being besieged by boxing promoters offering them contracts for whatever period of suspension might arise from their red cards.
Still with rugby, I can report an international breakthrough. The administrators have agreed to a revolutionary programme to draw spectators back to the stadiums en masse. It involves crowd-pleasing interludes such as girl streakers to enliven the game and make it really worth being there.
As a local rugby administrator put it: "It's a logical next step in popularisation of the game. Some of the fuddy-duddies were anti, but the sensational success in football of that goal-scoring girl streaker in Spain the other day climched it. Who could miss a game with this in it?"
Yes, happy days! News also comes in that the oil/gas strike off Mossel Bay is much greater and more significant than at first imagined. The explorers, Total, say it will rake in trillions this year, it's like North Sea Oil and Texas rolled into one.
President Cyril Ramaphosa is expected to spell it all out today. The Budget deficit will evaporate, be a thing of the past. The multi-billions in debt of Eskom, SAA and the other state-owned enterprises will be eliminated in a matter of months.
Sources close to the Presidency say Ramaphosa is also expected to announce the end of the fuel levy and zero-rating of sales tax on beer, wine and whisky.
The government are pulling out all the stops to get the prosperity mill churning as an election approaches. I also have it on excellent authority that Pravin Gordhan is about to announce a reversal of the disastrous decision all those years ago by the apartheid government to convert to decimal currency from pounds, shillings and pence.
The argument behind it is incontrovertible. Before the conversion you could get a mixed grill on the beachfront for four shillings and sixpence, the equivalent of 45 cents. You could take a girl out to dinner for £1 (equivalent then of R2). Look where we are today!
Gordhan is a shrewd fellow. We'll soon be back to pounds, shillings, pence, halfpennies and farthings, the way nature intended. Happy days are here again!
On the international scene, the Brexit impasse that's been so vexing to so many is about to be resolved. All that has to be decided is whether, when Britain is colonised by the US on leaving the EU without a deal, Donald Trump immediately becomes King of England or has to wait his turn.
Yes, lots of good news. Don't be put off by the date on this newspaper page. It's all happening, I tell ya!
Tailpiece
"I'VE really had it with my dog. He chases anything on a bike."
"What are you going to do? Get rid of him? Have him put down?"
"Oh no. I'll just confiscate his bike."
Last word
Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.
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