A debacle
to be
missed
ALAS and alack – what happened in the Jaguares debacle? I'm afraid I can offer no explanation, no analysis, because I was not there (I count myself fortunate), I was at Old Halliwell, up in the Midlands, making merry with my Big Cousin Jennifer, who used to swing me around by my arms when I was a kid, on our granny's front lawn.
Twenty-odd of us were there celebrating Big Cousin Jennifer's 180th birthday, seated on a vine-shaded verandah of the stone-walled structure dating back to the transport rider days of the 1830s, partaking of a fantastic, lingering lunch and looking down on the lovely Karkloof valley.
Yes, the Midlands are a tonic to the soul. They remind me very much of the Scottish border country. Old Halliwell lies between Howick and Currie's Post and for many years I believed Howick was a misspelling of Hawick, Queen of a' the Borders, back in Bonny Scotland. But actually it was named after Lord Howick, Secretary of State for the Colonies back in those days.
What do we do about Sharks rugby? This seesaw stuff is just too much. I could volunteer the services of my Big Cousin Jennifer against the Queensland Reds– even at age 180 she can still swing 'em around and she's a ferocious forager. You should have just seen her at the lunch.
On the other hand, itchy-powder in the jockstraps could be just the thing. It concentrates the mind.
America
NEWS from America. An off-duty firefighter walked starkers into a Rhode Island convenience store, smiling broadly, bought a soda and left without causing any kind of fuss.
He got into his car, put on his gear drove off and next thing was flagged down by the fuzz. Seems the convenience store had phoned in about a dangerous nutter.
According to Huffington Post it had been a bet with his girlfriend, who'd been sitting in the car fully clothed all the time.
Now he's been charged with disorderly conduct and the fire department – where he has 40 years' service – has put him on administrative leave.
Is there not a bit of overkill here? What if there's a fire on Rhode Island? He'd wear at least his fireman's helmet.
Meanwhile, in Portland, Oregon, police entered a bathroom with guns drawn. They'd been alerted by a house-sitter that somebody was moving round in there.
It turned out to be a robotic vacuum cleaner that had switched itself on.
At least it wasn't an off-duty fireman, stark naked. The cops had a good laugh.
Scotland
NEWS from Scotland. A Staffordshire bull terrier needed an emergency op at a Glasgow veterinary clinic after swallowing a Nintendo video game.
The dog, named Rocco, began vomiting and could not eat. An X-ray showed he had a rectangular-shaped object in his small intestine that turned out to be a Nintendo DS cartridge, according to Sky News.
It's not surprising Rocco was ill. Many of us can't stomach video games and Nintendo is, I understand, full of violence and altogether over the top.
Tailpiece
HOW do you know an Irishman is at the cockfight?
He enters a duck.
How do you know a Pole is there?
He puts money on the duck,
How do you know an Italian is there?
The duck wins.
Last word
Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything.
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