Tuesday, July 5, 2016

The Idler, Wednesday, June 22, 2016

World exclusive

ABOUT a week ago we ran a world exclusive in this column, pointing out that the football violence at Euro 2016 in France is orchestrated by the Kremlin. We set out how English fans in Marseille were outflanked and dished by Russian special forces in civvies.

It was a carbon copy of the infiltration of the Crimea, and later eastern Ukraine, by groups of military specialists not identifiable by unit or badge of rank, but operating with absolute precision.

This was a reprisal by Vladimir Putin for the suspension of Russia from the Olympic Games for state-sponsored drug shenanigans and the suspension of Maria Sharapova from world tennis for much the same reason.

It takes these Fleet Street Johnnies a while for the penny to drop, but at last the London Observer takes up the story.

Senior British officials fear the violence unleashed by Russian hooligans at Euro 2016 was sanctioned by the Kremlin and are investigating links with Vladimir Putin's regime, the Observer says.

"It is understood that a significant number of those involved in savage and highly co-ordinated attacks on England fans and others in Marseille and Lille have been identified as being in the 'uniformed services' in Russia.

"The theory is that the sanctioning of hooliganism by Putin is a continuation of what has been described as Russia's campaign of 'hybrid warfare'. Whitehall experts fear the tactic is a ploy to demonstrate Russian strength while building on a narrative inside the country that the rest of the world is lining up against it.

"A Whitehall source told the Observer that social media had been scrutinised to discover the backgrounds of those involved. 'It is difficult to prove this was sanctioned by the Kremlin but we can see that a number of them are in the uniformed services in Russia,' the source said. 'It looks like a continuation of the hybrid warfare deployed by Putin.'"

Well, there you have it. It's nice to have support from Fleet Street.

But remember where you read it first! Read the Idler's column for incisive analysis of the world about us.

World exclusives in the pipeline:

·       Trump and Hillary to elope … vacuum dilemma in US presidential race … heartbroken Bill beams like Cheshire cat.

·       The pangs of unrequited love … behaviour of North Korea's Kim Jong-un (The Young 'Un) attributable to being smitten by the out of reach charms of Hillary.

·       Alarm on Wall Street … belief grows that Pope Francis is hostile to Ponzi finance.

And remember where you read it first!

Headlights

OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "I read that by law you have to switch on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden. Now how the heck am I supposed to know when it's raining in Sweden?"

St Clement's

 

MUCH fun the other evening at the St Clement's arts soiree where my glamorous fellow-wordsmith Wanda Hennig gave readings from her recently published book, Cravings, which is a Zen-inspired inner journey based partly on her experiences in California at the San Francisco Zen Centre.

 

It went down very well.

 

Zen is a little beyond my ken but Wanda is a wonderful and entertaining writer and I look forward to reading Cravings – published in America by Amazon and in Britain by Loot – to no doubt emerge as a refreshed and enlightened individual.


Tailpiece

 

DON and Frank are two old codgers who meet in the park every day to feed the pigeons and natter about the world at large.

 

Then one day Frank doesn't show up. Don doesn't think much about it - maybe a cold or something – but when he hasn't shown for a week he's worried.. But he doesn't even know where Frank lives, nor does he have his phone number.

 

A month passes and Don figures he's seen the last of Frank, but then one day – there's Frank sitting on the bench like before.

"For crying out loud Frank, what in the world happened to you?"

"I've been in jail."

"Jail? What in the world for?"

"Well, you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop?"

"Yeah. What about her?"

"Well, she filed rape charges against me. At 95 I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty."

"Damn magistrate - he gave me 30 days for perjury."

 

Last word

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.

Henry Kissinger

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