US orangutan scare
VISITORSs had to be evacuated from an animal theme park in Florida the other day when an orangutan escaped from its enclosure and climbed trees.
There were screams from bystanders when it dropped to the ground near them, according to Fox News. It happened at Busch Gardens, Tampa Bay.
The orangutan was eventually darted with tranquillisers and returned to its enclosure.
An unnerving experience for those visitors, to be sure. The orangutan has a topknot hairstyle very similar to that of presidential contender Donald Trump. You don't expect Trump to come dropping out of trees at you when on a visit to the zoo.
Americans these days need nerves of steel.
Pesky agencies
CAN it be true that we're about to sidestep these pesky ratings agencies like Moody's and Standard & Poor's by creating our own?
Investment analyst Dr James Greener raises it in his latest grumpy newsletter.
"Brics is a very loose and all but senseless association of five nations (Brazil, Russia, India, China and, oh yes, South Africa) with absolutely nothing in common except perhaps a determination to squeeze their partners for concessions and a chance to feel behind each other's couch cushions for lost spare change.
"Recently, however, their finance folk hatched a plan to deal with irritation that the rest of the world don't rate any of the Brics highly when it comes to repaying loans.
"Our fellow's plan is simple. They will create their very own ratings agency which, presumably, will award everyone an AAA certificate.
"Job done! Someone get the IMF on the line and ask them to send round the armoured truck stuffed with money. Pronto.!"
Unlucky 13
LAST week we discussed the origins of "Unlucky 13". Readers Grant Freshwater and Hasler say aversion to the number 13 dates back to Friday, October 13, 1308, when Philip le Bel (Philip the Fair), King of France, raided the Knights Templar (in connivance with the Pope), inflicting a slaughter that began the demise of the Knights as an order.
Meanwhile Peter Quantock, of Empangeni, who first raised the issue, also notes that rugby players appear not to be afraid of wearing that number.
Yes of course, an outside centre wears No 13 on his jersey. There's no particular record of these players being stretchered off the field or failing to dot down when they should.
And of course in rugby league there are 13 players on each side.
Maybe the rugger buggers are impervious to history.
Coastal plunder
ROB Nicolai, Howick's resident theoretical physicist, detects a correlation between the writings of TS Eliot and the depredation of our coastline by foreign trawlers.
"I am shocked that foreign trawlers plunder our coastline of at least R60 billion a year just because we do not have the craft to patrol our shorelines! Perhaps we can use our submarines that cost us R8billion in the arms deal to protect our waters?
"To misquote TS Eliot: "South African sovereignty ends not with a bang, but a shrimper!"
Newtonian physics
AND as if the above is not bad enough, Eric Hodgson tells us of the man who walks into a bar with a little newt on his shoulder.
The barman asks: "What's his name?"
"I call him Tiny".
"Oh? Why Tiny?"
"Because he's my newt."
A-a-a-a-argh!
Hot dogs
YESTERDAY we discussed the Fourth of July hot dog eating contest in New York. It reminds reader Jeremy Whysall of another such contest.
"Paddy was a prodigious eater and decided to enter a hot dog eating competition. On the day, when it was his turn he could manage only to eat one.
"His mate Murphy said: 'How come you managed only one?'
"Paddy replied: 'I can't understand it at all, I've bin practisin'all mornin'.'"
Election fever
BUMPER sticker: "If we stop voting will they all go away?"
Tailpiece
THE little old gent is taken to the witness box. His lawyer asks him to tell what happened. He goes into a lengthy explanation of how the row developed.
"And then she hit me with a maple leaf."
"A maple leaf? But surely that can't have caused you much harm?"
"Are you kidding? It was the leaf from the centre of our diningroom table."
Last word
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. Mark Twain
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