Amazing healing plant
YESTERDAY we had a picture of marijuana plants at an
exhibition in Oakland, California. Hardly had the paper hit the
streets when an e-mail arrived from a fellow called Anon.
"The caption under this morning's photo of marijuana plants
describes it as a 'drug'. In fact it's a substance, as it is a natural
plant. Drugs are chemically manufactured. Marijuana is not
addictive - but it's dependent - there are no withdrawal
symptoms.
"The public are ignorant about this amazing healing plant and
need educating."
Well, I'm no expert. My only experience of this amazing healing
plant was when, a few years ago, a gang of fellows were
working on my roof. At tea breaks they would sit in the shade
smoking.
Weeks later, long after the work was completed, and after
some rains followed by hot weather, plants exactly like those
shown in yesterday's picture had sprung up where they used to
sit smoking.
Next thing I saw my Irish terrier eating the leaves of these
plants. Now this was a dog of high spirits. He was already
banned from three bars for misbehaviour.
Next thing he was running about the yard screaming with
delight and doing cartwheels and handsprings.
The stuff works. I emphasise that I base this solely on
observation of my Irish terrier.
Half-full
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "If
your cup is only half-full, you probably need a different
bra."
Deciphering it
JEREMY Hunt, Secretary for Health in the UK, says he is
dismayed and confused by the rejection by junior doctors
of the National Health Service of a new contract deal
negotiated with their union.
The medics are already out protesting with banners.
Hunt's confusion needs to be resolved. No doubt they will
get hold of a pharmacist right away to decipher what it is
the junior doctors are saying with their banners.
Hiss-tory
CATS up trees, hamsters under the floorboards … it's all in a
day's work for firemen.
But when firemen were called out on a "small animal rescue" in
Gainsborough, Lincolnshire, England, the small animal turned
out to be a huge 2m boa constrictor that had slithered into a gas
heater and refused to come out, according to Sky News.
They're humane people the Brits. They didn't just fire up the
heater to persuade the boa constrictor to leave, they
disconnected the gas then dismantled the heater to get at him
"This goes down in hiss-tory," said fire crew chief Dave Brierly.
What are boa constrictors doing in England? It's probably got
something to do with the wave of immigration from the EU that
the Brits voted against recently.
Boss cat
NOLA Mitchell, a lady of my acquaintance, is to be found
rowing on Durban harbour in the predawn; ringing the bells in
St Paul's and St Mary's Churches; and whooping it up at St
Clement's, the arts soiree. She also owns a cat.
He's no ordinary cat. Very handsome, he's not one of these
purry, cuddly cats. He bites when you try to stroke him. He bites
passing ankles. He knows who's boss. Himself. He's a
character.
Nelson – that's the cat's name – does not have the CV of your
ordinary moggy. He was born in Brazil and rescued by a South
African yachtsman from dogs that were killing his mother and
the rest of the litter.
He grew up at sea. He almost died there too, except he and the
yachtsman were rescued in a storm by a passing Japanese car
carrier which brought him to Durban and further adventures.
He's now with Nola and her husband, but not before reuniting
her with an old friend with whom she had lost contact.
Now Nola has told the story in a charming little book titled Just
Call Me Nelson (Avnola Publications). Between the rowing, the
bell-ringing and St Clement's, where did she find the time?
Tailpiece
A MIND reader gives a demonstration of her powers at a
nightclub.
She reads the mind of the lead guitarist: "Wow, look at all the
cute chicks!"
The drummer: "Good crowd. We're gonna make bucks tonight!"
The keyboard player: "All three of these guys have no
appreciation of my talent. What a bunch of losers."
The bass player: "C … G … C … G "
Last word
History is the version of past events that people have
decided to agree upon.
Napoleon Bonaparte
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