The Idler, Friday, July 8, 2016

Crazy UK script

WHO is scripting this stuff? Tony Blair won three elections

on the trot in Britain. Now, following the release of the

Chilcot report on the Iraq invasion debacle, there are calls

for him to be called before the International Criminal Court

or impeached by the House of Lords. One Fleet Street

paper describes him as an international terrorist.

None of it will happen, of course, but the howls are there.

Boris Johnson, leader of the Brexit campaign and at one

stage an apparent shoo-in to be the next Tory leader, has

disappeared off the radar. Yet a YouGov pollster

describes him as the most trusted of the current crop of

British politicos – though he immediately qualifies it:

"That's like saying he's the tallest of Snow White's

housemates."

TV viewers yesterday witnessed the extraordinary

spectacle of a group of politicos marching down a street

chanting support for a candidate.

Were they for Hillary or Donald Trump in the US

presidential election? No, these were British MPs at

Westminster, campaigning on behalf of Andrea Leadsom.

Weird is hardly the word.

Next we'll see the final round of the Tory (and PM)

leadership race. It's down to the membership. The future

of the UK, as it wobbles in its relationship with Europe, will

now be decided in the clubland of St James, in London,

and in the golf clubs of the shires.

We hope the buffers of St James don't come to blows over

the port.

The mind, senor, she boggles.

Reasonable error

HOWICK'S resident theoretical physicist Rob Nicolai

suggests an out for Tony Blair.

"He could play it safe and say the Americans provided

photos of Saddam Hussein with a calculator and a

protractor, and say he thought they said weapons of mass

destruction instead of weapons of maths instruction.

"A reasonable communication error."

New NHS?

MEANWHILE, some thoughts to ponder here in South Africa, not least

as the government seeks a new National Health Service.

 If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what

it costs when it's free! - PJ O'Rourke.

 I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a

man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the

handle.  - Winston Churchill.

 Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor

people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. - Douglas

Casey.

 I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the

facts. - Will Rogers.

 In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money

as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. –

Voltaire.

 A government big enough to give you everything you want,is

strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson.

Doorstop

A BLUE and white vase that was used for years as a

doorstop by a family in Birmingham, England, sold on

auction the other day for £650 000 (R1.5 million).

It turns out the vase was a rare 18 th century Chinese

artefact from the reign of Emperor Quanlong, possibly

manufactured in the imperial kilns for the emperor's

summer palace – where it probably was not used as a

doorstop.

According to the Huffington Post website, the Birmingham

family (not named) inherited it from an antique dealer aunt

named Florrie.

AS THE spacecraft Juno orbits the planet Jupiter, it is

picking up a stunning light show, according to a European

Space Agency release. It is also picking up strange

sounds known as "bow shock", says Nasa.

The European Space Agency says Jupiter's auroras cover

areas bigger than the entire Earth. They are hundreds of

times more energetic and never cease, pulling charged

particles from the planet's surroundings.

The bow shock sounds are analogous to a sonic boom,

says Nasa.

All this sounds very much like a disco. I hope this isn't

another of these space agency hoaxes – that Juno is in

fact orbiting the Diamond Disco in Kimberley.

 

Tailpiece

PADDY: "If I was as rich as Bill Gates I'd be even richer dan

him."

Mick: "How so?"

Paddy: "I'd do a bit of window cleaning on de side."

Last word

In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the

morning, day after day.

F Scott Fitzgerald