Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Idler, Tuesday, April 19

Anger, disappointment, temper

THREEQUARTERS of women suffer from "changing room rage" while they are out shopping, according to a survey in Britain. Cramped, cluttered and exposed fitting rooms can make trying on clothes such a traumatic experience that it manifests itself in feelings of anger, disappointment and bouts of bad temper.

When asked about their emotional state after visiting a high street changing room, 58 percent of women said they felt disappointed and 48 percent said they were frustrated

Major complaints include curtains which do not shut properly, long queues and a lack of space.

Adult behaviour psychologist Susan Quilliam says: "Beautiful clothes will always make a woman feel more beautiful and therefore more positive about her appearance, more confident in herself and more optimistic in general. But if the shopping experience itself is negative, the whole event can be utterly destructive.

"Instead of boosting our self-esteem, it saps it; instead of making us feel good about ourselves and our lives, it brings up frustration, irritation and anger."

This is, of course, vitally important research. We look forward now to research into the male side of changing room rage – measured as husbands scan their credit card records. But it's predictable in advance - frustration, irritation, anger ... disappointment and bouts of bad temper.

Yet, as we all know, when a gal's feeling down she must buy herself a new hat.

Iron laws of life

READER Eric Hodgson tabulates some of the laws that govern our lives as surely as does the law of gravity:

·          Von Fumble's Law - When you wish to unlock a door but have only one hand free, the keys are always in the opposite pocket.

·          Yale Law of Destiny - A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside.

·          Law of Ichiban - When your hands are covered with oil, grease or glue, your nose will start to itch.

·          Insurance So Sorry Law - Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened.

·          Destiny Awaits Law - When things seem easy, it's because you haven't followed all the instructions.

·          Law of Gravitas - If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing his, you probably have not realised the seriousness of the problem.

·          Principle of Dingaling - When you run to answer the telephone, you
will pick up in time to hear the other party hang up.

·          Law of Wasteland - If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your time, they're on simultaneously.

·          Law of Pi-Eyed - The cost is always higher than one budgets for; it's exactly 3.14 times higher, hence Pi.

·          Law of Campbell Scoop, Children's Edition - The probability that one will spill food on his/her clothes is directly proportional to the need to be clean.

·          Law of Campbell Scoop, Adult Edition - The probability that one will spill food on one's clothes is directly proportional to price of the clothes.

·          The Donking Principle - Wind velocity increases in proportion to cost of hairdo.

·          Theory of Absolute Certainty – Don't take life too seriously because you won't come out alive anyway.

Deadball line

VAN DER MERWE is a fervent Bulls supporter and his wife wears a Bulls supporter T-shirt.

But he hates it when she wears it to bed. It means no scoring.

 

Numbers game

I was very young when I learned to count. It was odd at first, even then.

 

Sparks fly

 

A READER who calls himself Hughbythesea notes last Friday's report about the bakkie that ploughed into an electricity sub-station in New Germany, then a carport. The driver was afterwards treated for shock.

 

"I'm not surprised," says Hughbythesea. "It must have been an electrifying experience!"

Just gotta write

 

IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, breaks his vow not to write any more about Julius Malema.

 

Is Julius a spoilt party ninny,

Molly-coddled by Jacob and mothered by Winnie?

Surrounded by spooks

With threatening looks;

The future looks creepy to me.

 

 

Tailpiece

TWO Irishmen find a mirror in the road. One picks it up and says: "Blow me, I know dis face but I can't put a name to it."

The other takes it and says: "You daft bastard, it's me!"

 

Last word

 

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.

Galileo Galilei

GRAHAM LINSCOTT

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