| Boot me up, Scotty SPARE a thought for the computer technicians who have to constantly guide and coach those, like myself, who grew up on the Remington typewriter, the telex and the landline machine (for pictures). Here is a selection of telephone exchanges between technical support and their customers. · Tech support: "What kind of computer do you have?"
Female customer: "A white one..."
· Customer: "Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out."
Tech support: "Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: "Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: "That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note."
Customer: "No , wait a minute ... I hadn't inserted it yet ... it's still on my desk ... sorry..."
· Tech support: "Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen."
Customer: "Your left or my left?"
· Tech support: "Good day. How may I help you?"
Male customer: "Hello ... I can't print."
Tech support: "Would you click on 'start' for me and ...
Customer: "Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates."
· Customer: "Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says: 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it ..."
· Customer: "I have problems printing in red ..."
Tech support: "Do you have a colour printer?"
Customer: "A-a-a-ah ... thank you!"
· Tech support: "What's on your monitor now, ma'am?"
Customer: "A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies."
· Customer: "My keyboard isn't working any more."
Tech support: "Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?"
Customer: "No. I can't get behind the computer."
Tech support: "Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back."
Customer: "OK."
Tech support: "Did the keyboard come with you?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech support: "That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?"
Customer: "Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work ..."
· Tech support: "Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7 …"
Customer: "Is that 7 in capital letters?"
· Customer: "I can't get on the Internet."
Tech support: "Are you sure you used the right password?"
Customer: "Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it."
Tech support: "Can you tell me what the password was?"
Customer: "Five stars."
· Tech support: "What anti-virus program do you use?"
Customer: "Netscape."
Tech support: "That's not an anti-virus program."
Customer: "Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer."
· Customer: "I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse it disappears."
· Tech support: "How may I help you?"
Customer: "I'm writing my first e-mail."
Tech support: "OK, and what seems to be the problem?"
Customer: "Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?"
· A woman customer called the Canon helpdesk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: "Are you running it under Windows?"
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
· Tech support: "Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time; that brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech support: "On your keyboard, Colin."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech support: "'P' ... on your keyboard, Colin."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!" | 
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