The nanny states rules, OK!
THE NUTTINESS of the politically correct nanny state is a feature of our times. It is captured in a series of scenarios set in America.
Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack (Astonishing the age at which Yanks are allowed to drive).
In 1957 – The vice-principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun then goes to his car to get his own shotgun to show Jack.
In 2011 – The school goes into lockdown, the FBI is called, Jack is hauled off to jail and he never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors are called in for traumatised students and teachers.
Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
In 1957 – A crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
In 2011 – The police are called and a SWAT team arrives. They arrest both Johnny and Mark. Both are charged with assault and both are expelled from school.
Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class; he disrupts other pupils.
In 1957 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given a good paddling. He returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt things again.
In 2011 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for Attention Deficiency Disorder. The family gets extra money from the government because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
In 1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
In 2011 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.
Scenario 5
Pedro fails high school English.
In 1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes on to college.
In 2011 - Pedro's cause is taken up. Newspaper articles explain that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. A class action lawsuit is filed against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is banned from the core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario 6:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
In 1957 - Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
In 2011 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She gets three years in prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.
This is too close for comfort. Just what has happened to us?
Big cat
"LION spotted on KZN beach" – so declared a contents bill of our sister newspaper, The Independent on Saturday.
But they're surely mistaken. If it was spotted it must have been a leopard.
No buzz
A READER who calls himself Hughbythe sea comments on a recent Mercury headline: "Deaf feel left out of pre-election buzz".
"Being hard of hearing myself, all I can say is: 'Aren't they, like me, lucky!"
Tailpiece
Customer: "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?"
Attendant:"Are you Irish?"
Customer: "Yes I am, but let me ask you something. If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask if I'm Italian? If I asked for German bratwurst, would you ask if I'm German? If I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask if I'm Jewish? If I asked for a taco, would you ask if I'm Mexican? If I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I'm Polish?"
Attendant: "No, I probably wouldn't."
Customer: "Well then, when I asked for Irish sausage ... why did you ask if I'm Irish?"
Attendant: "Because you're in Builder's Warehouse".
Last word
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
No comments:
Post a Comment