Tax issues in Dracula country
DOUBLE, double, toil and trouble ... the tax authorities in Romania have fallen foul of the local witch community, it seems. The witches had always been tax-exempt, until now. From this month they are liable to pay 16 percent on their earnings.
The witch ladies are positively whizzing about on their broomsticks they're so furious. A dozen of them threw the poisonous mandrake plant into the Danube the other day to put a curse on the officials in charge of the change.
And their Queen Witch – a lady named Bratara Buzea – is about to cast a super spell, stirring up a concoction of cat excrement and dead dog to the accompaniment of chants from a chorus of her sister witches.
And if you think this sounds ridiculous, just consider: Bratara was jailed for witchcraft by Nicolae Ceausescu in the communist days. And look what happened to Ceausescu.
Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,—
Yep, it looks like trouble for the tax people in Romania. I wouldn't be in their shoes.
But I do feel we need to remember that Romania is a different case, the country of Count Dracula. We do things differently here, whatever tax problems we might have. However strongly some of us might feel the urge to post an envelope of cat excrement to the local SARS office, we have other remedies.
We have eastern mystics, those fellows who push the leaflets under our windscreen wipers. Be strong in bed ... make your woman love you ... win at the horseraces ... win the Lotto ... win your court cases ... For these fellows, SARS is a piece of cake.
Russian circus
POLICE had to be called to a circus in the Belarusian city of Vitebsk to keep order among patrons who were incensed by the awfulness of the show.
According to this news snippet, the Russian performers were so drunk they kept falling off their bicycles and the jugglers kept dropping their props. Also, exotic animals advertised – including Tolkien goblins – failed to materialise. The only animals were some poodles and a crocodile.
Patrons were eventually refunded their money.
I don't know. Some of us would find it rather good value to watch Russians riding bicycles and juggling, full of vodka. A circus with a difference.
In fact, having been in the company of Russians in party mood, they all seemed to be falling off their bicycles and dropping their juggling props. But it's not appreciated in Belarus, it seems.
Nazdarovja!
Water rationing
THERE'S been an outcry in Northern Ireland over the way thousands of people have been left without water after the big freeze in which the pipes burst. But south of the border they've taken sensible precautions.
Reader Dee McLaverty informs us that because of the water shortage in Dublin, the swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
Tailpiece
THREE little pigs go out to dinner. The waiter takes their drinks order.
"I'd like a lemonade," says the first little piggy.
"I'd like a Coke,' says the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," says the third little piggy.
The waiter takes their dinner orders.
"I want a nice big steak," says the first little piggy.
"I'd like the salad plate," says the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," says the third little piggy.
The waiter approaches the table and asks if the piggies would like dessert.
"I want a banana split," says the first little piggy.
"I want a cheesecake," says the second little piggy
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer!" exclaims the third little piggy
"Pardon me for asking," says the waiter. "But why have you ordered only beer all evening?"
"Well, somebody has to go: 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!'"
Last word
Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance,
And toss them on the wheels of Chance.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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