Hipflask season opens
THE SALMON fishing season has been formally opened on a swollen River Tay, in Scotland. The first cast was made by Finance Secretary John Swinney, according to this news report.
Is he the one who cast his fly through the pub window to hook the bunch of keys so they could open the place for elevenses? Yes, that must be it.
In a northern winter such as this, ye've got tae be able to fill the hipflasks before venturin' oot fushin'. Gie that man a Bell's!
Bush bream
It seems restrictions on salmon fishing in Scotland, to conserve stocks, are already paying off. Anglers have been told to return every salmon caught before June, and afterwards to limit themselves to one male salmon a day.
The rod catch for 2010 - 11 000 salmon - was 50 percent up on the year before. This relates to our own experience in KwaZulu-Natal, where a closed season for shad in November, when the large females in roe are shoaling in our waters, has increased the shad population exponentially.
A spin-off has been the discovery of an entirely new species. The "bush bream" is found flapping and gasping in the vegetation just behind the first dune on a beach during the month of November. Nobody can explain to the KZN Wildlife officials what they are or how they got there.
I wonder if they have an equivalent in Scotland. The heather haddock?
Fish 'n chips
STILL with fish, an investigation by a Fleet Street newspaper reveals some rather shocking facts about the fish trade, which is huge in Britain.
"We uncovered thousands of healthy fish being thrown back into the sea to die off the British coast, prawns destined for British supermarkets being stored in sewage, 'scampi' made from waste scraps glued together with chemicals, and 'fresh' fish that is anything but."
Stored in sewage? Do they mean fish 'n chips wrapped in one of the red-top tabloids?
England flag
THE TV CAMERA at the Wanderers on Saturday kept picking up a Cross of St George – England – being waved furiously in unison with a bunch of South African flags. It really stood out.
Incongruous certainly, but when you think of the four South Africans playing for England in Australia right now, perhaps it's no more than reciprocity.
For the records
TALK about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory … that ODI goes down in the annals. Also Johan Botha's lbw dismissal after an audible click of bat on ball and a replay that showed the ball didn't even hit his pads at all.
The mind, Senor, she boggles!
Weirdo couple
THERE always was something decidedly weird about Tony and Cherie Blair when they were in occupation of No 10 Downing Street. At first they seemed just hopelessly over-trendy and embarrassingly with it – consorting with pop stars and football stars – but now it seems there was some real wonkiness.
Cherie wore a "bio-electric shield" in a pendant to ward off evil spirits and harmful rays, according to Blair's former spin doctor, Alastair Campbell, who has published excerpts from his diaries of those days. It was tolerated by Blair because he felt she needed to be "slightly mad" to cope with life at No 10.
Blair himself would consult the Bible before making key decisions, says Campbell. In December 1998, as he was poised to order a bombing of Iraq – four-and-a-half years before the full-scale invasion – he went into "a bit of a wobble".
"He said he had been reading the Bible last night, as he often did when the really big decisions were on, and he had read something about John the Baptist and Herod which had caused him to rethink, albeit not change his mind."
That would presumably be the account of John the Baptist's martyrdom, when his head was brought on a charger at the request of Herod's daughter, Salome.
But how Blair connected it in any way with the Iraq issue is puzzling.
Tailpiece
TWO MEXICAN detectives are investigating the murder of one Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asks the first detective.
"With a golf gun," the other replies.
"A golf gun? What is that?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
Last word
The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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