Police secret weapon
LAST week national police commissioner Bheki Cele was photographed on a beachfront walkabout with a catapult slung round his neck. I confess I hadn't noticed this extra armament – which appeared on our front page – but sharp-eyed reader Terry Oosthuizen spotted it.
"Are the police now using slingshots, ketties?" he asks. "Maybe all their firearms have been stolen. Do they find slingshots more effective?"
It's intriguing, to be sure. Is this part of Cele's much-publicised "shoot back and shoot to kill" instruction to police officers who find themselves under fire from criminals? Or does the national commissioner shoot the occasional beachfront pigeon for the lunchtime cooking pot?
It could be that he is one of those people who believes in being ready for any eventuality. He possibly keeps in one trouser pocket a Swiss army knife with scissors, saw, bottle opener, corkscrew and screwdriver, as well as one of those useful implements for removing stones from horses' hooves; and in the other pocket a John Bull puncture repair outfit. A catapult round the neck would complement all that.
I sincerely hope the national police commissioner has not joined that gang of desperadoes in the Florida Road precinct who are said to shoot out the streetlights every time they celebrate a victory on the sportsfield.
No more Ceylon
THE SRI Lankan government has decided to remove the colonial name Ceylon from all its official nomenclature. The name had apparently lingered on in various parts of government.
But they'll never erase that wonderful bit of radio/TV comedy, dating back many decades.
"My sister lives in Ceylon," says the very refined, getting-on-in -years lady, with just the slightest trace of a lisp.
"Have a sherry," says her male companion, with the same trace of a lisp.
The dialogue continues, with Ceylon becoming more pronouncedly "Theylon" with each successive "therry".
"But there's no thuch place as Theylon!" the man ends up slurring.
"And I don't have a thithter!"
Or something like that. You can't do it with Sri Lanka.
Birds drop
CANARIES in the coal mine? Thousands of blackbirds have dropped out of the sky dead at the American town of Beebe, Arkansas.
Nobody knows why. Tests on the carcasses are being conducted at Little Rock and in Madison, Wisconsin. One theory is that the blackbirds were disturbed from their roost and stressed by New Year fireworks. Another that they were struck by lightning. No toxins have been detected in the atmosphere.
A theory that also seems worth pursuing is that political blowhards sucked all the oxygen out of the atmosphere. Don't the Clintons come from Arkansas?
Pearl of wisdom
READER Denzil Bazley reports a pearl on SABC news a few nights ago.
The topic was education and the clip showed a teacher writing on a chalkboard in front of her class. She wrote 10 x 3 = 30 - but written above that was the subject for the day: "Multication".
Yes, you've got to know readin' and 'ritin' as well as the 'rithmetic.
Calories
SCIENCE corner: What is a calorie?
Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter.
Since Christmas/New Year my closet has been infested with them!
Felines
WHO HAVE SURVIVED, Tsars, Bolsheviks and the Mafiosi? A colony of cats living in the cellars of what was once the house of Catherine the Great in St Petersburg. According to this news snippet, the cats protect Russia's greatest artworks from rats and mice in the Heritage Museum. They have been there for centuries and are currently led by a cool cat named Viscount. St Petersburg citizens feed and care for them.
Somebody should put this to music. It could be a hit.
Tailpiece
AN ENGINEER, a systems analyst and a computer programmer are driving down a mountain road when the brakes fail. The speed picks up, they career hair-raisingly round several bends and are somehow still on the road when the terrain flattens and they gradually come to a halt. They get out.
"I think I can fix it," says the engineer.
"I think we should carry on into town and have a specialist look at it," says the systems analyst.
"I think we should go up again and see if it does it again," says the computer programmer.
Last word
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
No comments:
Post a Comment