Kim comes in from the cold?
NORTH KOREAN strongman Kim Jung-il is no doubt potentially one of the most dangerous men in the world. His son, Kim Jung-un (the Young 'Un), who is apparently being groomed as successor, is possibly even worse.
Yet an impression persists that Kim senior is some kind of a spoiled child who demands attention. Ignore him and he fires a rocket over Japan. Ignore him some more and he shells South Korean islands. "Hey, lookit me! I'm Asia's Leroy Brown – the biggest baddest man in town!"
Occasionally we get a revealing glimpse of the world of King Jong-il. According to a BBC feature he's a movie nut. His favourite film is Gone with the Wind and his favourite actress is Elizabeth Taylor.
Kim Jong Il has declared himself "Genius of the Cinema". His definitive text on its theory and practice contains advice to would-be film-makers: "Be loyal to the party and prove yourselves worthy of the trust it places in yourself."
When he couldn't find anyone in North Korea of sufficient quality , he kidnapped a film-maker from the South, jailed him, fed him grass then forced him to shoot a socialist version of Godzilla. Shin Sang-ok and his wife, actress Choi Eun-hee, spent almost 20 years in captivity before escaping while on a trip to Vienna.
Other classics made by Kim: Sea of Blood; The Fate of a Self-Defence Corps Man; Flames Spreading Over the Land; The County Party Chief Secretary; Five Guerilla Brothers; and The Path to Awakening.
These were no doubt box office hits in Pyongyang As a goodwill gesture, why not screen them in the West? Why not appoint Elizabeth Taylor as ambassador to Pyongyang? Tensions in South-East Asia could evaporate overnight.
Could cinema be the bridging mechanism to the spoiled child? Already the British football film Bend it Like Beckham – starring Keira Knightley, Jonathan Rhys Myers and Parminder Nagra – has been screened in Pyongyang, the first western movie ever to be permitted in North Korea.
Okay, the censors edited it down from 112 to 60 minutes but it's a start. I haven't myself seen Bend It With Beckham - I'm waiting for the opportunity to compare it with The County Party Chief Secretary – but I've a feeling this could be the start of something positive, the bringing in of Kim Jung-il from the cold.
Perversity
SOMETIMES there's a strange perversity to the approach of British sportswriters. Kevin Pietersen says England could not have retained the Ashes had he not stepped down from the captaincy 18 months ago "for the good of English cricket."
Now certain quarters are trying to crank a controversy out of it, saying Pietersen is trying to claim credit for England's stunning victory over Australia.
His actual words: "Andrew Strauss and Andy Flower need all the plaudits for an unbelievable 18 months and an unbelievable preparation for this team, and they are the right leadership for this team."
I can't recall Pietersen saying anything more self-effacing.
Great value
A READER has discovered a newspaper cutting with an advertisement for the Baron of Beef Steakhouse, in the Empress Hotel on the beachfront.
It offers "Today's Special" as a choice from 12 salads "on the house" plus fillet kebabs and a free glass of wine for R3.65 (including tax).
Unfortunately the cutting is undated so he's not sure if the offer is still valid. I suppose the only thing to do is pitch up at the Empress with the cutting and try your luck.
Judging from the price of Today's Special, this would have been soon after we converted from pounds, shillings and pence to decimals. R3.65 is 36 shillings and sixpence (or £1 16s 6d). At the time of sterling currency you could take a girl out to dinner for £1. Here we have a lunch for one already costing 16s 6d (R1.65) more. Clearly the inflationary trajectory created by decimalisation was already showing itself, though it was nowhere near where it is today.
One begins to lose heart. I've written to successive ministers of finance urging them to return to a non-inflationary currency where a pint of beer costs one and sixpence (15 cents) but do I get so much as the courtesy of a reply? Do I heck!
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Tailpiece
DON'T join dangerous cults! Practise safe sects!
Last word
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I hate women because they always know where things are.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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