WILL there be a woman candidate for US president at the next election
in 2012? Will it be Sarah Palin, the former Governor of Alaska who
skins rabbits with her teeth and was John McCain's running mate last
time round?
She's landed a deal as a commentator with Fox News television and many
see this as a stepping stone to becoming the Republicans' choice for
the top spot, given the public exposure it would regularly give her.
My scout in the US reports that there's growing pressure for a female
president. But it's not focused. It could hardly be Hillary Clinton
because Barack Obama still has a term and a half to run.
My scout says the name of a shadowy figure known only as "Maxine"
keeps surfacing. It's not known which major party – if any – she
belongs to, but her sayings are beginning to receive prominence in the
blogosphere and a "Maxine for President" campaign seems to be
gathering force.
Here are some of Maxine's statements on a range of issues:
· Burning the US flag: "Feel free to burn our flag. Just wrap
yourself in it first!"
· Driver safety: "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have
to keep my hands free for making gestures."
· Lawn care: "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I
recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."
· The perfect man: "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what
I want, when I want, for as long as I want and then go away. Or wait
nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."
· The technology revolution: "My idea of rebooting is kicking
somebody in the butt twice."
· Ageing: "Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works
much better if the salt accompanies a Margarita."
· The US motor industry: "The trouble with bucket seats is that
not everybody has the same size bucket."
· Magnanimity: "To err is human; to forgive highly unlikely."
· Youth issues: "Do you realise that in about 40 years we'll
have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced
navels?"
· Economic issues: "Money can't buy happiness - but somehow
it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia."
· Health care: "After a certain age, if you don't wake up
aching somewhere ...you may be dead."
She sounds just like Margaret Thatcher. Could this be the woman to
lift the US from its current malaise and restore its international
prestige? Watch this space!
Male or female
WHY IS a ship female? There are various answers. She has lovely lines
but can be capricious. She has plenty of companions. She is often
attached to a buoy. Sailors love her.
The English language seldom attributes gender to an inanimate object,
the way the continental languages do. But that does not mean they
don't have a male or female characteristic. Some examples:
· Freezer bags – Male. They hold everything in, but you can see
right through them.
· Photocopiers – Female. Once turned off; it takes a while to
warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the
right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the
wrong buttons.
· Tyres – Male. They go bald and are often over-inflated
· Hot air balloons – Male. To get them to go anywhere, you have
to light a fire under their butt.
· Sponges – Female. They are soft, squeezable and retain water.
· Web pages – Female. They're constantly being looked at and
frequently get hit on.
· Trains - Definitely male. They always use the same old lines
for picking up people.
· Egg-timers – Female. Over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
· Hammers – Male - In the last 5 000 years they've hardly
changed at all and are occasionally handy to have around.
· The remote control - Female. It gives a man pleasure, he'd be
lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to
push, he just keeps trying
Tailpiece
A PENGUIN walks into a bar and says to the barman: "Have you seen my brother?"
Barman: "I don't know. What's he look like?"
Last word
Spare no expense to save money on this one.
Samuel Goldwyn
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
No comments:
Post a Comment