The Idler, Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Intriguing turn

THE QUESTION of the literary legacy of JD Salinger has taken an intriguing turn. The writer of the 1950s classic, The Catcher in the Rye, died recently, aged 91, after spending decades as a recluse in New Hampshire. The speculation is that he must have been working much of that time on another blockbuster or two.

Now it turns out he has been in correspondence, over the years, with Taki, an outrageously (and hilariously) right-wing columnist with the British magazine, The Spectator. It also seems Salinger's later literary output will somehow be revealed through Taki and the Spectator.

In his latest column, Taki quotes from Salinger's letters, the content pretty lurid. He also hints that he has something in his possession that cannot be revealed at this stage.

"I cannot go into details for legal reasons, but JD Salinger and I never spoke on the telephone, we only corresponded. He loathed modern Britain almost as much as I do, and particularly hated what he called phonies like Hitchens, Amis and, surprisingly, VS Naipaul. In fact, he once hinted I should beat Naipaul up …"

Extraordinary stuff. The Speccie is on to a hot story.

Relativity

ALBERT Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks: "What's your IQ?" The man answers: "241." "That's wonderful!," says Einstein. "We'll talk about the grand unification theory and the mysteries of the universe. We have much to discuss!"

Next he introduces himself to a woman and asks:"What's your IQ?" She replies: "144." "That's great!," says Einstein. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We have much to discuss!"

Einstein goes to another man and asks: "What's your IQ?" He answers: "16." Einstein responds: "Hoe gaan dit met die Bulle?"

Glib billions

AN ANGRY message is doing the rounds in Britain, prompted by the glib way in which the word "billion" trips off the tongues of political figures, as if it meant nothing at all. The context is the UK but it has a universal relevance.

 

The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casual manner, think about whether you want the politicians  spending  your tax money. A billion is a difficult number to  comprehend, but  an advertising agency did a good job of  putting that figure into some perspective.   · A  billion seconds ago it was 1959. · A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. · A billion hours ago our ancestors were  living in the stone age. ·  A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet. ·  A billion  pounds ago was only 13 hours and 12 minutes,  at the rate our government is spending it. Capital gains tax; car tax; corporation  tax; council tax; excise duty; import duty; income tax; fishing licence; fuel tax; hunting licence; inheritance tax; marriage  licence;  national insurance contributions; planning permission  tax; Road Fund licences; service charges; social security tax; stamp  duty; TV licence; Value Added Tax; vehicle licence registration; vehicle sales tax. Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago ... and our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt. We had the largest middle class in the world. And  Mum stayed home to raise the kids. What  happened? Can you spell p-o-l-i-t-i-c-i-c-i-a-n-s?

Not so neat

 

BILLIONS and trillions. ISMAIL Kathrada is a little sceptical of the "neat" solution to America's economic woes floated in this column the other day – paying the 40 million 50-year-olds in the workforce a million dollars each to retire, on condition they buy a car and a house.

 

"I don't have enough digits on my calculator," he says, "and I'm hopeless at maths. But doesn't it work out to 40 trillion dollars? And then you have 40 million people in posts that they have no experience in and 40 million extra cars on already congested roads.

 

 

"Forty million people would re-mortgage their homes and use the money for holidays and you will have these 40 million people on the dole

 

"It's not so neat."

 

I'm afraid it's beyond me. But a couple of chartered accountants were talking about it the other night and they say 40 trillion dollars is nothing in the American scheme of things.

Tailpiece

WHY DID Cleopatra think she didn't need a psychologist? Because she was the Queen of Denial.

Last word

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Abraham Lincoln

GRAHAM LINSCOTT