THE SIX Nations kicks off tomorrow and I'm told they've devised a new anthem for the tournament. It's called Six Together and is available on a recording which features a combination of a Welsh harp, Irish pipes, Scottish bagpipes, a French accordion, an Italian mandolin and an English cathedral choir.
It sounds delightful. According to the marketing gurus, it's intended to give the tournament a "new sonic identity", presumably in the same way our marketing gurus decided to give the Currie Cup a "new zoological identity" by naming every side after some species of animal or fish.
It's not clear whether Six Together will be played over the public address system, but I bet my bottom dollar that, if it is, it will be drowned out by Flower of Scotland, Land of Our Fathers, Le Marseillaise, God Save Our Queen and the others.
Let's hear it, you traditionalists!
The ponytails always have been lost on this one. Do they not realise rugby is a war substitute - with the emphasis on "substitute", not on "war" – in which men are able to re-enact fixtures such as Agincourt and Culloden in a controlled manner and without the blood and gore (or not so much anyway)? The rugby players of Europe don't want to be Six Together. They want to be Six Apart, refighting the ancient battles. Drinking beer and carrying off wenches afterwards, the way our distant ancestors did. That's what rugby's all about.
And it all kicks off tomorrow. England versus Wales is certain to be a humdinger, there's so much riding on it. If Ireland are the fancied side – they won the Grand Slam last year and club side Leinster won the European Cup, remember – Wales are also strong contenders. Yet sporadically stuttering England need early points, otherwise they could very soon be also-rans. Much is at stake.
Ireland themselves play Italy and, while I have no wish to disparage a steadily improving outfit, if Italy beat Ireland I'll play the mandolino on the bar counter of the Filler, wearing only my Y-fronts.
On Sunday it's Scotland versus France. This could be another good 'un. Scotland have been getting it together.
So it looks like an enthralling day's rugby tomorrow. With, of course, cricket earlier on as the First Test against India gets under way in Nagpur. Our fellows must beware of the snake charmers.
Snake charmers? Yes, Nagpur means "the town of the cobra". The snake charmers, that's the fellows putting down spin and all – offbreaks, legbreaks, chinamen, flippers, doosras. They play you the tune and next thing you're clean-bowled!
And next weekend, of course, the Super-14 kicks off. Hey, life's getting jolly again. I think the least we can do is devise a new anthem for the occasion. Nothing naive like Six Together – something divisive that emphasises convict ships and flocks of bleating sheep. And incorporating the widest array of musical instruments.
We'll set up a recording in the Filler in the week ahead. Bring your vuvuzelas, penny whistles, stolostolos, violins, concertinas, bongo drums, firebells and whoopee cushions! Get going with some lyrics!
Let's get the C back into rap.
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