Who wrote Eskimo Nell?
I HAVE been commissioned by a well-known twitcher to research the origins of the bawdy ballad, Eskimo Nell. Was it, or was it not, written by British humorist and entertainer Noel Coward?
A twitcher is, of course, a birdwatcher, a fellow who hangs around in the forest glades with binoculars, noting the appearance and doings of waxbills, finches, wobbling I mean warbling tits and the like. This twitcher says he recently read all 46 verses of Eskimo Nell to an assembly of fellow-twitchers in Ndumu game reserve. (More of this later).
To address his question, let us first examine extracts from Noel Coward and from Eskimo Nell (one of the rare stanzas printable in a family newspaper).
Coward:
Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun.
The smallest Malay rabbit deplores this foolish habit.
In Hong Kong they strike a gong and fire off a noonday gun,
To reprimand each inmate who's in late.
In the mangrove swamps where the python romps
there is peace from twelve till two.
Even caribous lie around and snooze, for there's nothing else to do.
In Bengal to move at all is seldom ever done,
But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun.
The anonymous Eskimo Nell:
So pull up a seat, and buy me one neat
And a tale to you I will tell,
About Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete,
And a harlot named Eskimo Nell.
Yes, there does appear to be a certain symmetry in style and meter. Take the line: "In Hong Kong they strike a gong and fire off a noonday gun…" (Coward) and "So pull up a seat, and buy me one neat …" (Eskimo Nell). They could well come from the same pen.
Eskimo Nell is written in the style of Robert Service, whose Yukon ballads described life in the Canadian North, notably The Shooting of Dan McGrew. But nobody has suggested that Service was secretly responsible for Eskimo Nell.
But several people have suggested Noel Coward. Eskimo Nell has a similar clipped style and it is easy to imagine Coward reciting it.
In fact John Masters in his historical novel, By the Green of Spring, actually describes Coward's first performance of the poem in a Paris nightclub in August 1919.
But there's nothing more definite. Eskimo Nell appeared in South Africa in the 1940s in bawdy songbooks compiled by students (sies!), which means the poem is at least 60 years old.
That's one mystery unresolved. Another mystery is what twitchers are doing reciting bawdy ballads in Ndumu game reserve. I always thought twitching was a wholesome pursuit. Now it turns out they recite bawdy ballads round the campfire. Lewd jokes as well? Next they'll tell me beer and scotch whisky are on hand also. Disgraceful! In front of the bushbabies too!
I only hope these twitchers don't venture to the forests of the Wild Coast. These are home to the Cape parrot and, as we all know, parrots only too easily pick up and repeat unsavoury language.
"Awk! She took off her garments one by one …awk!" This from a tree branch outside Lusikisiki. It could even spread to the African Grey parrots of East, Central and West Africa, an epidemic of foul balladeering. Do these twitchers realise what they could be responsible for?
Bullseye
I shot an arrow into the air …
It fell to earth Longfellow knew not where. But in this instance in Sydney, Australia, an angry householder knew two things: the arrow didn't fall, it was still at full velocity; and it got a burglar in the backside as he clambered over a wall.
The householder was woken from a Sunday afternoon snooze by the intruder, according to Huffington Post, who had already snaffled cash, car keys and other odds and ends.
The burglar fled, pursued by the enraged householder who picked up a bow and arrow. As the burglar scrambled over the garden wall, he loosed an arrow, scoring a bullseye.
The burglar escaped in a waiting getaway car. It was no doubt an uncomfortable ride.
Tailpiece
QUIZMASTER: "Name a bird that doesn't build its own nest."
Van der Merwe: "The cuckoo."
Quizmaster: "Well done! How did you know that?"
Van der Merwe: "Jislaaik, everyone knows cuckoos lives in clocks."
Last word
Under every stone lurks a politician. - Aristophanes
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