Rugby – Saru acts
LET nobody accuse South African rugby of not being on top of things and up to the minute. Saru has already set up a helpline for Springbok fans who cannot cope with Saturday's defeat by Italy; who are depressed, suicidal and thinking of basketball. Here's how they've set it out.
Are you a Springbok rugby fan?
Are you feeling depressed?
Phone the Saru helpline.
0800 101010.
That's zero eight hundred
Won none
Won none
Won none.
The game itselfwas tough indeed – rather like a bar fight with the Mafia. It was lively and enjoyable, close-fought. But it was like finding oneself suddenly in the third division, doing reasonably well – then being beaten all the same by the Matatiele Bushwhackers.
O wee, O wee!
Ireland's epic
But if we were downcast by the Bok game, Ireland versus New Zealand was an epic of courage coupled with consummate rugby skills. A fortnight ago Ireland absolutely drilled the All Blacks in a match staged in Chicago, running in five tries to end the Kiwis' unbroken run of 18 victories. What rugby!
But it couldn't happen again within two weeks, everyone said, not even at Landsdown Road. New Zealand would come out pumping.
This they certainly did. But Ireland were pumping back just as hard. What a display of rugby this was. What guts! What stamina! What driving! What tackling! Until the final quarter it was still anybody's game. (And two of the All Blacks' tries were decidedly dodgy). This was another epic.
The Six Nations should be a humdinger. Just imagine Ireland versus England. (Curtain-raiser: Boks versus Matatiele Bushwhackers).
Sea cruise
EXTRACTS from a diary come this way:
Dear Diary – Day 1
All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, shorts. Really, really exciting. Our group - The
Late Bloomers - decided on this "all-girls" trip. It will be my first one - and I can't wait!
Dear Diary Day 2
Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.
Dear Diary – Day 3
At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honoured and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
Dear Diary – Day 4
Won $800 in the ship's casino. The Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I'm not like that.
Dear Diary – Day 5
Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar; stayed there a while. The Captain saw me and bought me several large drinks. Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship ... I was shocked!
Dear Diary – Day 6
Today I saved 2 600 lives.
Fruit salad
GETTING fruity … a couple living in Blackburn, Lancashire, ended up in court recently after a lovers' tiff, according to the London Daily Mail.
Themba Banana and Sarah Orange had a volatile relationship, the court was told. Orange caught Banana whispering into the telephone and presumed he must be talking to a girl. She accused him of cheating on her.
A flaming row ensued, in which Banana threw a pot plant at Orange, hitting her in the midriff. Banana, Orange and pot plant – an unusual combination. She called in the cops.
He pleaded guilty in court and was given community service by the magistrates.
We're not told whether they're still together or Banana's split.
State of play
JEAN Timm, of Howick, reflects in verse on the state of play in South Africa.
Our country has President Bloomer.
'State Capture?' He laughs. 'Just a rumour!'
With his cronies deployed
He can comeback avoid -
And corruption has grown like a tumour.
Tailpiece
IT'S the labour ward. A woman starts yelling: "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Can't!"
"Ah," says the gynaecologist. "The contractions have begun."
Last word
A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.
Sir Barnett Cocks
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