Cricket complications
DETAILS come this way of an unusual cricket match. The under-14 Cs of Hilton College were playing their Kearsney College counterparts. It was agreed between the umpires before the game that any no-ball would be followed by a "free hit", where the batsman could take a tonk but not go out.
Part-way into the Hilton innings, the Kearsney bowler delivered a no-ball, which the umpire called instantaneously. The batsman drove at the ball and was caught at mid-off. But it was a no-ball – not out.
Now the free hit. The Kearsney boy bowled again. Another no-ball was called. The ball struck the batsman on the pads, plumb in front, leg-before-wicket. A loud appeal. But no chance – this was not just a no-ball, it was a free hit as well.
And now another free hit because of the previous no-ball. This time the Kearsney lad managed a perfectly legal delivery. It flew off the batsman's glove and he was caught behind. Another loud appeal. But of course this was a free hit. Not out.
So this was a hat-trick. Three wickets to the same bowler in three deliveries to the same batsman, who never went out. They must have been cheering in the stands, throwing their hats in the air.
I wish these schoolboys would stop complicating the game. It's tricky enough as it is.
Runfest
THE above recalls another unusual cricket match, many years ago up in Kwambonambi. Natal United Transport were playing their sister company, Zululand United Transport, in a social game. Both sides contained players with a background in school or club cricket. They played fairly regularly.
Zululand United batted first and knocked up a respectable score before lunch. Natal United went in after lunch and were all out for 0 – not a snick through the slips, not a wide, not a no-ball. Zero it was. People can draw their own conclusions about that lunch.
Nowhere – not in Wisden's or anywhere else - could I find a record of a cricket side going out for 0. It should be impossible. But it happened. It was there in the scorebook.
A lot of people seemed to find it amusing. Garth Joyner, MD of Natal United Transport and skipper of the cricket side, did his best to buy my silence. He bought the Durban Press XI a magnificent set of cricket kit and replenished it from time to time.
I suppose he did manage to buy my silence. I haven't mentioned this in years.
Wrong office
WHAT became of the Durban Press XI? We used to play Otto's Bluff, Richmond, Kloof Crickets, Maritzburg Grasshoppers, the Attorney-General's office, the Breweries – all kinds of sides. We once played the RAF Red Arrows (where, in all modesty, I took 4 for 32 with my deadly legbreaks). What happened to all that?
It comes down to kit. Our skipper was an erratic character known as The Compton Boy (younger brother of Compton the Elder, who is cricket scribe on this newspaper). For some reason The Compton Boy dropped off the bag of kit at this newspaper. But he dropped it at the wrong office – a section that deals with raising funds for charity. Before we knew it, the Press XI cricket kit – with its origins in that feast of runs at Kwambonambi – was sold on a jumble sale.
But I suppose all of us were getting a bit creaky anyway.
Ole!
A SPANISH scrapyard owner has placed two fierce fighting bulls in his yard night at to deter burglars.
Emilio Cervero has taken this step because, according to Huffington Post, thieves were luring his guard dogs away with meat, then coming in and taking what they wanted. The bulls just charge at anyone who climbs over the fence.
A novel device against burglary, to be sure – but suited more to a scrapyard than something like a chinashop.
Tailpiece
A COP pulls this fellow over for speeding.
"You were speeding. But I've had a tough shift, I don't need any more paperwork. Give me a decent excuse and I'll let you off."
"Er, last week my wife ran off with a cop. When I saw your police car following, I thought it was him trying to give her back."
"Have a nice evening, sir."
Last word
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
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