That's it folks!
WELL, that's the end of the televised US presidential election debates. Trump seemed restrained in comparison with his previous onstage performances, and those who expected him to spank Hillary on the bottom – in keeping with the allegations made against him by various ladies – were disappointed. Las Vegas surely expected better.
An early CNN poll gave the debate to Hillary by 52% to 39%. But then it seems most of the respondents were Democrat supporters. Hoo boy!
One thing that seems to have escaped most of the pundits is that Trump has not only damaged the Republican Party, he could also have damaged the pendulum effect in the American system.
If he wins, he will be like a rogue elephant in the White House. If he loses, he has upset the rhythm of things. The pattern in post-war America has been a Republican holding office for two terms, followed by a Democrat holding office for two terms. It's a balance about the centre ground. It works.
It's the Republicans' turn this election, according to the pendulum. But if it doesn't happen, what follows?
Hickory dickory dock!
Puffing chimp
FOR a moment I thought the photograph in yesterday's paper was of a member of the central committee slipping out for a fag as respite from one of the lengthy tirades of Party Leader Kim Jong-un (The Young 'Un) in North Korea.
But no, it turns out it was a chimpanzee named Azalea in Pyongyang Zoo, entertaining the crowds by lighting up when the keeper chucks her a lighter.
Is such a thing permissible in this day and age? Azalea surely needs start vaping rather, with one of those metal, battery-operated miniature hookah things. The North Koreans must get with it.
Robot co-pilots
IN AMERICA they're working on replacing the co-pilots of airliners and large military aircraft with robots.
The idea is that the robots should perform the routine, mundane tasks of flying, leaving the pilots free to think strategically, anticipate emergencies and take over when anything of the kind happens.
Sounds good. Actually they've been experimenting for some time – and not just in America – with robot air hostesses.
That's the gals who stand there poker-faced and explain by demonstration how to do up your seatbelts and what you should do in the unlikely event of oxygen masks dropping from the ceiling.
Also when they're bringing round the coffee or the drinks trolley. Robotics has to start somewhere.
Lock-out
THIS fellow in Tucson, Arizona, in the US, found he'd locked himself out of his house. Drat!
He climbed on to the roof and went down the chimney. Things were going pretty well, according to an item on Sky News, and he'd actually got his feet into the fireplace, when the chimney narrowed and he couldn't get the rest of his body through.
He hollered for help and eventually a neighbour heard him and called the fire services. They got up on the roof, got ropes down to him and eventually managed to drag him up and out, absolutely covered in soot.
But he was still locked out. They don't tell us how this was resolved.
Christmas is coming. But it seems unlikely this unnamed fellow from Tucson, Arizona, will take a temporary store job as Santa Claus.
Fire rescue
MICHAEL Orchard crashed his car through a fence then broke into his neighbour's blazing house in Halfmoon, New York state, to rescue a puppy that was trapped inside.
Afterwards he sat on the front lawn, cradling the bewildered pup in his arms, according to Huffington Post.
But, er, there'd been no fire. It turned out Orchard had been "tripping" on a mixture of LSD and cough mixture and imagined the fire – though the crashed car and the puppy were real enough.
State troopers arrived and charged Orchard with third degree criminal mischief and second degree burglary. But there were no drug charges because he had no illegal stuff on him (as opposed to in him).
Hey, bad trip man!
Tailpiece
A DOG is sitting in the cinema with his owner. He stares at the screen intently. He growls when the villain appears and wags his tail when it's the hero. An old lady has been watching.
"That's extraordinary behaviour by your dog."
"It is surprising. He hated the book."
Last word
Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.
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