Sunday, October 21, 2012

The Idler, Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Sad and curious case

 

AN INTERESTING case study in matrimonial relations, the ageing process, the law and the jury system comes this way from America.

 

It involves a man - who we shall call Chris - and his wife, Robyn. They were a model couple. He was attentive and considerate. She was loyal and supportive.

 

In fact so happy and harmonious was their relationship as they cruised into the golden years of marriage that Chris felt compelled to share with a wider world the contentment they experienced. It might put other couples on a similar path.

He put something on the internet.

 

 

"My name is Chris. Let me relate how I handled the situation of ageing with my wife, Robyn. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Robyn to get a full-time job for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

 

"Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

 

"Although she knows how hungry I get after I've been drinking all afternoon, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

 

"I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

 

"She used to wash and dry the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for the dishes to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves.

 

"I know she really appreciates this as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

 

"Another symptom of ageing is complaining. For example she will say it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em 'for better or for worse', so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

 

"When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I told her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she was making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

 

"I know I probably look like a saint the way I support Robyn.

I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men would find it difficult, some impossible. Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

 

"However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your ageing wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other."

 

Now comes the alarming part of the case study.

 

Chris died suddenly on May 27, of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long Big Bertha Driver golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely five inches of grip showing and with a sledgehammer lying nearby.

 

His wife, Robyn, was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took 15 minutes to find her not guilty, accepting her defence that Chris somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

 

A sad and curious case. How could a random incident have so destroyed an idyll?

 

 

Tailpiece

A BEGGAR approaches a shopping mall kugel, dressed to the nines.

"Lady, I haven't eaten anything for three days."

"My, I wish I had your willpower!"

Last word

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

Steven Wright

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