The Idler, Thursday, October 4, 2012

Bright light in sky

A NEWLY-DISCOVERED comet should become one of the brightest lights in the sky - even outshining the moon, according to astronomers.

Russian astronomers recently spotted comet 2012 S1 (ISON) 90 million kilometres from the earth. It is currently a faint glow streaking between Saturn and Jupiter, but as the sun's gravity draws the comet closer, dust and ice will be blasted off, giving it a highly reflective tail.

Depending how big the tail gets, the three-kilometre wide comet may become more visible for a few months in late 2013 and early 2014. It should also provide a brilliant spectacle to be captured by the Rover exploratory mission on Mars, as it streaks past.

"If it lives up to expectations, this comet may be one of the brightest in history," Raminder Singh Samra, of the HR MacMillan Space Centre in Canada, says.

Hmmm. Comets are taken in many quarters to be portents of momentous change. Late in 2013 and early in 2014 we will be in top gear for a general election, which has to be held some time between April and July. The politicos will be really stomping. Could this shining light in the sky have an influence on voters?

Will it become known as Zille's Comet? Or Zuma's Comet (presuming he makes it in Bloemfontein and finds solutions to a number of things that have so far eluded him)? Please not Malema's Comet.

Auto-correct

DIGITAL dilemma: A problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn't Nintendo.

 

 

Regimental tradition

 

LAST week's mention of the mess traditions of the Natal Mounted Rifles and the Umvoti Mounted Rifles reminded Denzil Bazley of his time with the Cape Town Highlanders.

 

Elizabeth, the British Queen Mother, had been colonel-in-chief of the regiment and was still considered unofficial colonel-in-chief in spite of the long years of apartheid and isolation.

 

Denzil was at an El Alamein dinner about 1982. It came time to toast the President (who would have been PW Botha). The colonel firmly and loudly added: "And the Queen Mother!"

 

"To which there was a loud and unanimous chorus:"Bless her!" (But what the Highlanders had to say about the President doesn't bear repeating). Denzil says he was to witness the routine many times over.

 

"The CTH had contingents marching at the Queen Mother's 100^th birthday parade and at her funeral parade, such was the recognition and affection that existed between the Queen Mother and the regiment throughout the dark days of apartheid."

 

 

Shocker

 

A NEWSPAPER clipping comes this way: "Gauteng police have just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles with 250 000 rounds of ammunition; 10 anti-tank missiles, four grenade launchers, two tons of heroin, R80 million in forged South African banknotes and 25 trafficked prostitutes, all in a block of flats behind the Hillbrow Public Library.

"Local residents were stunned. A community spokesman said: "We're shocked. We never even knew we had a library."

This is, of course, a hoax … isn't it?

Feuilletonism

 

READER Des Levin informs me that I am a feuilletonist. This not being a word with which I am familiar, I look it up and the word feuilleton means: "The part of a European newspaper devoted to light fiction, reviews, and articles of general entertainment; an article appearing in such a section; a novel published in instalments; a light, popular work of fiction; a short literary essay or sketch."

 

I gather Des approves of feuilletonism, so I thank him. At least he didn't call me a bloody feuilletonist.

 

 

Table for two

OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: "It's the wife's birthday. We're doing something special, I've booked a table for two. Trouble is, she's terrible at snooker."

Tailpiece

 

A JUGGLER on his way to a gig is pulled over by the cops. "Why have
you got kerosene and matches?" asks the cop.

 

"I'm a juggler and I juggle burning torches in my act."

The cop is suspicious: "Let's see you do it."

 

The juggler gets out and starts juggling the burning torches.

Passing motorist to his wife: "Wow, I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at what they make you do now!"

 

Last word

Posterity is as likely to be wrong as anyone else.

Heywood Broun