Remember the Alamo!
AT KING'S Park for the Griquas game last Friday, our stand was lively with redwing starlings. The floodlights turn night into day and these starlings were going about their business, nesting. It's an odd feature of the way the TV networks have turned rugby from an afternoon to an evening game.
As anyone knows, redwing starlings get very aggro and territorial when nesting. They dive-bomb any dog or human who gets near – a noisy flurry of wings and talons. It can be quite startling. They make Indian mynahs look like pacifists.
I don't suppose they could be trained to zero in on Morne Steyn as he lines up for kicks – it's a bit late now anyway – but we can at least hope for home ground patriotism from them.
Yep, King's Park is the place to be again tonight. This is the real thing. For both sides it's likely to be the toughest match of the competition, whoever wins and whatever happens in the final. Sharks versus Bulls – Natal versus Northern Transvaal. It goes back to that final in 1956 (when we lost 9-8) and that glorious final in 1990 when it was 18-12 to us. (I was there for both). And so much besides. Natal versus Northerns – there's always something special about the fixture.
Be there! This is the real thing! This is rugby! Remember the Alamo!
Limpopo astrophysics
ROB NICOLAI, chief astrophysicist/quantum mechanic of Howick, believes the continuing Limpopo textbooks crisis can be explained by astrophysics.
Just as black holes in space are super-dense dead stars whose gravity is so intense that nothing can escape them - not even light, which is super-fast - so Limpopo has similar characteristics.
"Black holes are tears in space time continuum reality, kind of like Limpopo where no textbooks ever get in or out of schools."
He connects the black hole phenomenon in Limpopo with the recent discovery in South Africa of the heaviest element yet known to science.
"The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 35 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
"These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.
"Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
"A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of two to six years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
"In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
"This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
"When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other by-products are produced."
It's nice to know that the crisis in Limpopo has nothing to do with human failure.
Puppy poser
POLICE in Dublin have intercepted 36 puppies – found in boxes in two cars – which they believe had been smuggled in from the United Kingdom for sale on the black market.
They found 25 Jack Russells and a number of cocker spaniels, springer spaniels, terriers, beagles and Labradors. Judging from TV footage, the pups appear to be in good condition. They are now being cared for by the SPCA. Two men have been arrested.
Is there really a black market in dogs in Ireland? Why? Those breeds could hardly have been for something like dog-fighting, they're all of them hunting dogs, gundogs or ratters .
It must be de poachers. Who else wants terriers?
Tailpiece
HOW many Scotsmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
Och, it's no' that dark!
Last word
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
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