The big picture
ANXIETIES over the council's proposed taking over yet again of Durban Transport are misplaced. The naysayers appear to be unaware of developments that will make Durban Transport one of the biggest money-spinners on the African continent.
You have to see the big picture. In the pipeline are plans to establish a super-luxury intercity bus service between Durban and the booming metropolis of Nkandla.
Air-conditioned coaches will leave on the hour from Moses Mabhida Stadium, the International Convention Centre and uShaka Marine World to collect from Nkandla visitors from the new World Bank HQ, the new African Union HQ, and the various service and other industries that have established there in support.
They will simultaneously carry people from Durban to watch top-flight rugby and football at Nkandla, at the two giant adjoining stadiums that are to be built there; plus test cricket at the Nkandla Oval. This traffic will pick up considerably when Nkandla is awarded the Commonwealth Games and the Olympic Games.
And, of course, the Zuma family will provide a constant stream of passenger traffic.
Let's not be negative and timorous. Let us look at the big picture.
Wedding (1)
A SWEDISH couple got married in Britain the other day by Klingon rites. Jossie Sockertopp and Sonnie Gustavsson married in a Swedish registry office then travelled to London for a Star Trek convention.
There they were married in a traditional Klingon ceremony based on a wedding in a Star Trek episode. The bride wore a floor-length red robe and diamante headdress, matching the headdress of the groom. Prosthetic foreheads with deep wrinkles and stringy black manes completed the Klingon look.
Three bangs of a gong ushered the bride and groom to an altar adorned with decorative screens and a throne made from animal bone and hide. They didn't play Mendelssohn's Wedding March.
Who says TV produces a false sense of reality?
Wedding (2)
MEANWHILE, IN THE Grand Duchy of Luxembourg it was traditional storybook stuff as Crown Prince Guillaume married Belgian Countess Stephanie de Lannoy in a service in Notre Dame Cathedral, attended by royalty from all over Europe, including William Prince of Wales and Kate.
That's more like it for we ballies. And I'm sure they'll live happily ever after.
Wedding (3)
THEN, back in Britain, the Advertising Standards Authority has upheld a customer complaint that an advertisement for a doll that promised an "authentic likeness" of Prince William on his wedding day was misleading.
The porcelain collectable was described as "handcrafted to an unprecedented level" by the manufacturer, Bradford Exchange.
But the ASA say the doll was slimmer, it's face too bright and its hair too long.
So there! I hope Bradford Exchange will be more careful with the prosthetically wrinkled foreheads and stringy black manes when they do the Klingon wedding dolls.
Tailpiece
A MAN walks into a restaurant with an ostrich. The waitress asks for their orders.
The man: "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich: "I'll have the same."
"That will be R39.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change .
Next day he and the ostrich are back. "A hamburger, fries and a coke." Ostrich: "I'll have the same."
Again the man pays with the exact change.
This becomes daily routine. Then one day: "The usual?"
"No, I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad." The ostrich: "Same here.".
"That will be R132.62."
Again he pulls the exact change out of his pocket.
Waitress: "Excuse me, but how do you manage to always come up with the exact change ?"
"Well, several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would be there."
"Brilliant! Most people would ask for a million bucks or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want!"
"That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce."
"What's with the ostrich?"
He sighs: "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
Last word
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
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