Shock in the art world
THE ARTY set listened aghast the other evening as the story unfolded of the criminal background of renowned Durban artist Andrew Verster. Simultaneously – and even more shocking – it unfolded that his artwork was once given the thumbs-down by the British government.
It all began innocently enough at the Mondays at Six soiree at the Alliance Francaise. We'd been shown two excellent short films about Andrew, his work and what makes him tick as an artist. Then he was taking questions.
Somebody asked if apartheid had influenced his work at all? Had any of his painting been protest painting?
Andrew seemed a little nonplussed. No, he was not a political artist, he said. If you had to wait for perfect conditions before practising art, you'd wait until you were dead.
Then compere Pieter Scholtz reminded him of a bit of artwork during the apartheid era that did have a political context. Oh yes, Andrew now recalled it.
He told how the son of a friend had been subjected to banning orders. Andrew took it upon himself to manufacture a fake passport to get him out of the country. He used his artistic and photographic skills, even down to the official embossment over the photograph. Then he drove the youngster to Johannesburg and put him on a flight to London.
The kid got through OK. Then, safely in London, he went to the authorities to ask for refugee status. They were astounded when he showed them his false passport.
"That's the worst passport we've ever seen. You couldn't possibly have come in on that."
"But I did." There was the entry stamp.
So Andrew Verster has a shady past. And, though he did fool the immigration officials at Heathrow, the Home Office were pretty rude about his artwork. No wonder he's kept quiet about it all these years.
Mondays at Six - you never know what you're going to hear next.
My round!
THE PLAYBOY Club, in London, claims a new world record for the most expensive cocktail.
Barman Salvatore Calabrese has put together a cocktail he calls Salvatore's Legacy, which contains ingredients dating back to before American independence and the French Revolution. It sets you back a cool £5 500 a glass.
Guinness World Records is investigating the claim, which would beat the current record, a cocktail costing £3 766 that is served in the Burj Al Arab Hotel, in Dubai.
Salvatore's cocktail uses a 1778 Clos de Griffier Vieux Cognac; a 1770 Kummel liqueur; a circa-1860 Dubb Orange Curacao; and two dashes of Angostura bitters dating from around 1900.
This must be kept from the bartenders at the Street Shelter for the Over-40s. Emulation is to be discouraged.
Schlenter stuff
READER Pat McKrill, of Camperdown, has produced a parody in verse of the tender fraud, double payments, nepotism and other corruption that we read about daily It's a lengthy piece but here are the closing stanzas:
My dad's the same I have to say,
He's in a spot of trouble,
He gave himself a pay increase
But the accountant paid him double.
It wouldn't be so bad you see
If the accountant weren't his brother
And the mayor who signed the paperwork
Didn't happen to be my mother.
I think I'll give this one a miss,
This voting's just a farce
We're equal now, we're all the same
No need to go to class.
Each one's as clever as the next,
There's no more need to fail,
I'll go ahead and help myself
'Cos my cousin owns the jail.
Tailpiece
A TOURIST is sitting in the sunshine outside an Irish pub, enjoying a pint of Guinness. A nun approaches and launches into a lecture on the evils of drink.
"Do you never drink?" the tourist asks.
"Not at all, not at all. Not a drop of drink has ever passed me lips."
"Then how can you say? Come, let me buy you a drink."
"How can I, a nun, stand here wit' a drink in me hand?" Then she considers. "But maybe if you put it in a teacup."
He marches inside and orders a teacup with a double whiskey in it.
Barman: "Don't tell me, sorr! Dat nun's out dere again!"
Last word
The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
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