The Antarctic wildebeest
THERE'S a simple enough explanation for the freezing weather that has gripped us in recent days. It's what geographers call latitudinal shift. The Roaring Forties have moved northward. We now live in the Roaring Forties.
Penguins will replace flamingos in the bay. Gannets and giant skuas will replace Indian mynahs. We have to adapt and adjust.
But there is an upside. The Drakensberg ski slopes will become a tourism drawcard. They will be able to hold the Winter Olympics at Moses Mabida. And the Antarctic wildebeest will thunder about Zululand to the delight of overseas visitors.
This global warming is getting out of hand.
World Cup
READER Richard Andersson agrees that Currie Cup rugby is outshining the Tri-Nations competition. "It's like we are playing two different games." However, he urges us in verse to be positive about the upcoming World Cup.
The Rugby World Cup is on its way,
Will the trophy with us stay?
Let's take a look at what we've got
If we hope to keep the pot.
Our captain John, he's done us proud,
Should this time round be in the crowd.
Victor, he's still hanging tough
But, like John, he's had enough.
Bakkies can't control his rage,
Fourteen men for sure some stage.
Bryan Habana's got butter fingers,
Way out on the wing he lingers.
So some of them look tired and old,
Too much to ask for the cup to hold?
But then again we have young stock
Who could quite easily cause a shock.
Patrick Lambie, a real bright star,
Few more like him, we could go far.
That guy Morne, he can kick,
Perhaps he might just do the trick.
Loose forwards strong and fast we've got,
Come out firing, we'll have a shot.
If Piet de Snor can pick them right,
The All Blacks could just get a fright.
But wish them luck in the long white cloud,
Come on boys, do us proud!
Madiba magic, let it flow free,
Belated present for ninety-three.
Musical styles
READER Eric Hodgson sends in some definitions of musical styles.
· Country and Western: Men singing about drinkin', gamblin' and cheatin' on their ladies.
· Jazz: Five men on the same stage, all playing different tunes.
· Blues: Played exclusively by people who woke up this mornin'.
· Opera: People singing when they should be talking.
· Rap: People talking when they should be singing.
· Big Band: Twenty men who take it in turns to stand up, plus a drummer.
Round-up
TWO DOGS HAVE been filmed swimming off a beach in Western Australia, rounding up a pack of sharks and even nipping at them.
It happened in shallowish waters at a place called Broome, where the camera clearly captured the sharks swimming about in increasing panic as the dogs herded them together.
You just can't suppress the instincts of border collies. I once knew a farm in the Midlands where a piercing whistle would have the old border collie rounding up everything he could find and bringing it to the front verandah for inspection – ducks, geese, hens, a couple of cows, a horse and a highly indignant rooster. It was quite a party trick.
Tailpiece
MURPHY, a Dublin furniture dealer, is in Paris on business. He drops in at a bistro for a glass of wine. The place is crowded but he finds a place at a small table .
Next thing a stunning Parisian girl is standing there and she speaks to him in French. Murphy doesn't understand but waves her to the unoccupied chair and says: "Can I get yez something to drink, yer darlin' girl?"
But she speaks no English. So Murphy takes a table napkin and draws on it a wine glass. She nods vigorously. "Ouis, monsieur, merci!"
He orders. Then he takes another napkin, and draws on it a plate of food. She nods vigorously again. "Ouis monsieur, merci beaucoup!"
He orders dinner. Then a band strikes up. Murphy takes another napkin and draws on it a couple dancing. Again the vigorous nodding. "Ouis, monsieur, ouis!" They get up and dance. They get closer and closer. Then the band takes a break and they sit down. She takes a napkin and draws on it a four-poster bed.
"Well I'll be blowed!" says Murphy. "How does she know I'm in de furniture business?"
__._,_.___
Last word
No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.
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