Bheki's the man for the job
BRITISH Prime Minister David Cameron's decision to parachute in American "supercop" Bill Bratton to assist with handling the street violence and looting is said to have angered his top police chiefs, who insist they are better placed to offer guidance.
But whatever the merits or otherwise of the Bratton selection, Cameron has missed a trick He had every opportunity to arrange a secondment from within the Commonwealth of our own tough top cop, Bheki Cele.
Cele, with his gung-ho cowboy hat and catapult slung about his neck, would provide the swashbuckling presence that is lacking in British policing right now, and without which the street thugs will not be cowed.
Besides, the TV shots we see virtually every day of New Scotland Yard suggest that the place is looking a bit downmarket. If they need new premises, Cele is just the man to see to it.
Spare the rod …
MEANWHILE, reader Stanley Fraser pens a few lines on the London rioting and asks why discipline has broken down.
Beloved London up in flames
A year before Olympic Games.
Sympathisers proffer excuses,
Real - or misdirecting ruses?
'The youth are cross',
'They're at a loss',
'It's spending cuts
That wrench their guts.'
'Oh, what a shame,
their life's in vain'
Should we have dropped the cane?
Obsessive human rights to blame?
Lack of discipline in the schools?
Teachers can't enforce the rules?
Parents have no control?
Kids look forward to the dole?
What do you expect -
Law and order and respect?
Spare us this …
READER Graham Rudolph sends in some complaints made by British council house tenants.
· I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
· It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.
· My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
· I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
· Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
· I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
· Fifty percent of the walls are damp, 50 percent have crumbling plaster and 50 percent are plain filthy.
· I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
· The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
· Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
· Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
· I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
Yes, grounds for discontent certainly. But it probably didn't cause the riots.
Bureaucratic verbiage
HERE'S something to put into perspective government bureaucracy.
Pythagoras's theorem: 24 words. The Lord's Prayer: 66 words. Archimedes Principle: 67words. The Ten Commandments: 179 words. The Gettysburg Address: 286 words. The US Declaration of Independence : 1 300 words. The US Constitution, with all 27 Amendments: 7 818 words.
Then the European Union regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26 911 words
Tailpiece
It was a sunny Friday morning on the first hole of a busy course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualising my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker;"Would the gentleman on the women's tee back up to the men's tee please?"
I was still deep in my routine, impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would that man on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee?" I ignored it and kept concentrating. Then he yelled: "Would the man on the women's tee back up to the men's tee? Please!"
I stopped, turned and looked through the clubhouse window at the person with the microphone. I cupped my hands and shouted back: "Would the damn fool in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?"
Last word
A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.
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